"Homer, I was thinking my boys might benefit from having a woman in the house."
"I get it -- you want my advice on how to meet women." "Well, "Christian Couples" is a great dating site for people like you. "PlentyofJesusFish" is also good." "Or if you're feeling frisky, there's "Chritian Swingers." Though I imagine you'll meet some very conflicted people."
"No, no, I'm looking for a nanny!" "Someone like Shary Bobbins, who came into your life so magically, discovered what horrible people you are, then got sucked into a jet engine."
"Oh yeah -- happy memories. But hey, if Shary Bobbins is who you want, Shary Bobbins is who you'll get!"
"But Homer... she's dead."
"Stupid Flanders, Shary Bobbins is magic! She WAS dead, but now she's alive... because of magic."
"ou don't mean... BLACK magic?"
"No! Let's call it... "grey" magic..." "Well, actually really, really dark grey. Like Payne's Grey. So dark it kinda looks black. But of course it's not. Only it is."
"I've never seen such well-behaved childern! Your rooms are spotless, your homework is done, and you've completed every task set before you."
"Oh no, we've run out of chores! It's a kid's worst nightmare!"
"Bedtime isn't until 5:30. However shall we ever fill the time?"
"Now, now, children. If you search a little harder, you can always find some meaningless task to fill the time..."
"I feel a song coming on..."
"BUSY WORK! BUSY WORK! POINTLESS TASKS FOR IDLE JERKS! NOTHING THAT NEEDS DOING, NOTHING REALLY WORTH PURSUING!" "BUSY WORK! BUSY WORK! ANYTHING THAT LEAVES YOU IRKED! SORTING'S ALWAYS BRUTAL, EVEN MORE SO WHEN IT'S FUTILE!"
"Wow, Shary Bobbins! We just spent hours accomplishing nothing!"
"You see, children? I knew you could do it!" "Now, imagine how much more fun it would be if, instead of just wasting time, you actually accomplished something?" "And what if the thing you accomplished was something very, very naughty? Wouldn't that be even MORE fun?"
"You're scaring me, British lady."
"NAUGHTY PRANKS! NAUGHTY PRANKS! TRY THEM AND YOU'LL GIVE ME THANKS! KIDS BEHAVING BADLY NEVER PASS THE EVENING SADLY!" "NAUGHTY PRANKS! NAUGHTY PRANKS! SOON YOU WILL BE ROBBING BANKS! LET'S GET INTO TROUBLE, AND LET'S DO IT ON THE DOUBLE!"
"Miss Bobbins, I'm afraid this just isn't working out."
"Are you firing me?"
"Firing" is such an ugly word. Let's call it "encouraging your relocation by bringing in an exorcist and dousing the entire house in holy water."
"I suppose it's for the best. I've never met such perfect angels as your boys. It makes me sick." "If only Homer Simpson would take me back. That son of his shows real promise, evil-wise." "Ah, well. Goodbye, children!"