Bad Cops is a Level 33 quest chain that includes the unlock of Eddie and Lou. It is the main quest chain of Level 33. Although only 5 of the quests in the Level 33 quest chain are titled "Bad Cops", the other few titles of the chain were either the same length or shorter and therefore the overall quest chain is referred to as "Bad Cops".
"I’m totally going to get past the museum's alarms and armed guards to steal the famous Star of Ogdenville Diamond!" "But first, I’ll need caffeine and junk food to get me pumped up for this legendary heist!"
"Eddie & Lou, good to have you back." "Everyone’s been complaining about police responsiveness, so we need to really put on a show for the people."
"What, like “Avenue Q”?
"No, you idiot. Where would we get money for that quality of puppets?" "Now, I don’t want to do a lot of patrolling because there’s no guarantee anyone will see us doing it." "So I’m setting up a physical training exercise." "That way the citizens will have something to watch... and that something will be Eddie coughing up a lung."
"But it’s only ten o’clock, which means I can still read the clock, which means I’ve only begun to get drunk."
"I got a date, if you must know."
"Ooooh. Is it serious?"
"No, she don’t know nothin’ about it. I’m scoping her out for when she does become available." "Then I’ll be able to tell her that I spied on her for years. Love is best when done as a long con, Barn."
"Well, well, well. If it isn’t our old pal Snake, aka Jailbird. Or Jailbird, aka Snake. Search him, Eddie!" "Got a stack of papers on you, huh, Snake? What are they, rolling papers, or contracts to take out hits?"
"Dude, no. They’re just blank insurance policies." "I’m a legitimate life insurance salesman now."
"I’ve never been able pass a life insurance physical. I’ve got a touch of diabetes. And gout." "Oh, and I’m a policeman who’s been shot five times. All right, on your way!"
"Later, Dude." "Excuse me, old man… I can get you a primo deal on a life insurance policy." "Just write, “Snake,” on that beneficiary line and I’ll make sure your family gets the money."
"While I consider this arrest unjust, I will confess that a night in jail is preferable to taking care of eight small children."
(if you have him) "I love jail. Prison wine is a better than Moe’s beer and I don’t get beat up after I pass out."
"What ho, hoosegow-mates! Shall we all go take a gander at the strongmen in the outdoor gymnasium?" "Why are you pointing that dangerously sharp toothbrush at me?"
"An inside outhouse what’s got a sink on top of it? Free orange clothes? This is the fanciest place I’s ever been in!"
"This is infinitely worse than the Negative Zone Prison Alpha operated by S.H.I.E.L.D. I demand to see your Tony Stark!"
"I'm telling you, it wasn't a drug deal! I gave Chester the money to fix my shed."
(if you have him) "Hi, everybody! Free plastic surgery in exchange for protecting me on the inside." "I can make you look like George Clooney... although sometimes it comes out like Rosemary Clooney. But any Clooney is good, right?"
(if you have him) "Duffman is being approached by seven dudes with tattoos on their faces. Oh, no!"
(if you have him) "If you might permit me to access my Frink-O-Pod, I can travel back in time to prevent the crime from ever being committed." "Plus that will allow the writer who agreed to write all these prison jokes to say no!"
"Why? I didn’t kill nobody or steal nothing or sell my pills to those bullies for a dollar a pop like I did in that dream." "Wait, who took my pills and why do I have all these dollars?"
"I thought Free-to-Play meant I could just take the phone from the myPhone store."
"Overcrowding, dangerous occupants, horrible food – I'll go anywhere as long as it's not back to that school."
"I can’t be in jail -- I’m a celebrity! What if no one recognizes me?!"
"Lord, I’ve been in your service for fifteen years. I’ve prayed to you every day." "Would it be too much to ask you to listen to me just once and get me out of this friggin’ stinkhole?!"
"Thrown in jail like-a spaghetti on-a a wall. And-a my only crime is being a cultural stereotype-a!"
"I know that I didn’t come to a complete stop at that stop sign, but our car’s transmission falls out when you do that."
"I get put in the slammer for an illegal U-turn? Well ain’t that a laugh. You should see what I got in my basement!"
(if you have him) "I accidentally tunneled my way INTO jail?! Ohhhhhh."
"Just to be clear, roomie, you’d like me to point this soap that’s been carved to looked like a gun at the guard when he brings dinner?" "And he knows that this is a joke? Well, I do love jokes!"
(if you have him) "That was not weed, man! It was oregano for my oregano brownies. Hey, you want a lid of Bob Marley Hawaiian Skunk oregano?"
"Outside these walls I'm the mayor. Inside them, I, er, seem to be a ring girl for Mexican mafia yard fights."
(if you have him) "My dear officers, when I get out, I’ll double your salaries to come work for me, and we’ll take over the world!" "Are these potatoes peeled well enough, because I can have at them again if you’d like."
(if you have him) "I have started a Theatricum Prisonicum! But Snake was cast as Hamlet instead of me, so now I am boycotting the Theatricum Prisonicum!"
"Call the school and anyone will tell you that this must be a Bart Simpson prank" "So you can forget that strip search that you’re about to… doooooooooooooooo!"
"My name is C. Montgomery Burns. I’m one hundred and fifteen years old and I’m ready to serve my time."
"I was fine with prison overcrowding when it was hardcore criminals... but all these moms, dads, doctors, and teachers is cruel and unusual punishment!"
"Hey! I was just cleaning out this cell and the door locked behind me." "Hello? Funny mistake because we all know how cops get treated in prison. Oh God."
Crackdown Pt. 3
"Great work, boys! We’ve made more arrests this week than in the entire history of the S.P.D."
"But, Chief, we haven’t gone after the big fish, like Fat Tony."
"You know I’d like a big arrest, but have you ever talked to that guy? Very menacing-sounding." "So instead we’re going to round up this list of repeat offenders from the Springfield School system."
"This is Kent Brockman reporting." "Abuse of police power has reached epidemic proportions." "It seems that no one is safe from their persecution, not even our clergymen, our upstanding citizens, our children…"
"Exactly! Wait, what?"
"Just finishing your sentence. Which is funny, because we’re going to get you started on a new kind of sentence right now!"
"Our legitimate enterprises usually have to operate within a certain shroud of secrecy." "But all the petty crimes have been keeping the polizia’s attention away from us." "It’s refreshing to be in such a relaxed and stress free state while we strong-arm, murder, and swindle."
Springfield Confidential part 7 breaks the fourth wall by saying "It's more fun to tap on all forty of your characters every single day to send them on 24-hour missions!" Which references the tapping aspect of the game and the fact that the longest task for most characters is 24 hours