What am I supposed to do now? I'm done with donuts, bagels won't have me... there's nothing with a hole left.
Tell you what, I'm going to throw you a lifesaver.
That's it, Life Savers!
No, stay outta candy – empty calories and empty career opportunities. You need to shed the old man routine and rebrand with a fresh image.
Since I became a shut-in, I'm already doing all that.
Death of a Spokesman Pt. 2[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
The market research is in: no one cares about old people. They take forever at checkouts, smell like ointment, and are a constant reminder of our own mortality.
What do I do? I tried wearing grillz but the teeth I had holding them on fell out.
We've got to associate you with youth, vitality, and pulling all-nighters. We've got to get your raisin face on cans of Buzz Cola.
End[]
Character
Dialogue
I threw my shoulder out, which threw my back out, which threw my… uh-oh my pelvis is gone!
Death of a Spokesman Pt. 3[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
Buzz Cola isn't returning my calls. I couldn't even get you the shower grab-bar modelling gig.
Don't give up on me. You gotta get me in somewhere!
There is one place. Time to burn scooter rubber to the Springfield Retirement Castle.
End[]
Character
Dialogue
Ah, a new roommate!
What? No, I'm here to model... I'm a spokesman for… actually, I don't know why I'm here.
Your wristband says you're here to stay. Pull up a puddin' cup and I'll tell ya a ramblin' story.
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