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Failure to Launch
Giuseppe Granfinali

Event

4th July 2014 Event

Released Date

July 2, 2014

Number of Quests

8

Failure to Launch is the main questline of the 4th July 2014 Event.

QuestsEdit

Quest Requirements Time Triggered by
Failure to Launch Pt. 1 Build Giuseppe's Workshop 24h Logging in
Failure to Launch Pt. 2 Build Springfield Elementary
Make Lisa Read Outdated Chemistry Books
Make Giuseppe Stock Up on 'Fertilizer'
4h Homer
Failure to Launch Pt. 3 Make Giuseppe Invent a New Firework
Make Lisa Mix Dangerous Chemicals
12h Lisa
Failure to Launch Pt. 4 Make Giuseppe Host a Fireworks Support Rally
Make Republicans Attend the Fireworks Support Rally (x5)
2h Giuseppe
Failure to Launch Pt. 5 Make Giuseppe Search for Stolen Fireworks
Make Homer Search for Stolen Fireworks
24h Lisa
Failure to Launch Pt. 6 Build Control Building
Make Homer "Safely" do his Job
16h Homer
Failure to Launch Pt. 7 Make Giuseppe Confront Mr. Burns
Make Homer Butt into Giuseppe's Business
6h Lisa
Failure to Launch Pt. 8 Make Giuseppe Show-Off a New Invention 60m Giuseppe

DialogueEdit

Failure to Launch Pt. 1Edit

Character Dialogue
Homer Icon "Apu, $100 worth of your most illegal poorly-made fireworks, please!"
Apu Icon "With federal agent Rex Banner snooping around town, I can no longer play the fireworks game."
"This Independence Day, the only laws I plan on breaking relate to food safety and price gouging."
Homer Icon "The government can't take away our fireworks just because they're illegal!"
"Last time I checked, a little document called the U.S. Constitution guaranteed us the right to break any law we want, whenever we feel like it."
Apu Icon "It most explicitly does not."
Homer Icon "Exactly! If we can't buy fireworks, then we'll just have to make them ourselves"

Failure to Launch Pt. 2Edit

Character Dialogue
Homer Icon "Guiseppe Granfinali, it's your lucky day. Most characters as minor as you never get to see Springfield again."
"Although that's less and less true all the time."
"Anyway, we want you to build the most ear-rattling, eyeball-bludgeoning, nose-somehow-obliterating fireworks ever made."
Lisa Icon "Would it help to have an extra set of hands? I got an “A” in second grade chemistry this year."
Giuseppe Icon "Chemistry? What-a the hell-a is that?"
Lisa Icon "Wait... you make your living playing with gunpowder all your life, and you have no idea what it's made of?"
Giuseppe Icon "Ground-up demon, I always assume."
"Okay, find me some-a books on this "chemistry". Real old and out-of-date, like-a me."
Lisa Icon "Finally, a need only a second-rate public school library can fulfill!"
Skinner Icon "Sixth-rate, actually. We just got our certification as a sixth-rate facility yesterday. We're very proud."

Failure to Launch Pt. 3Edit

Character Dialogue
Lisa Icon "Mr. Granfinali, are we going to start making the fireworks anytime soon?"
Giuseppe Icon "What does it LOOK-a like I'm-a doing?!"
Lisa Icon "Sitting in a rocking chair having an animated argument with no one at all."
Giuseppe Icon "That's-a how I create my fireworks! I talk it-a over with the ghosts of all-a my brothers."
"Once there were-a fifteen Granfinali boys. Now, only Giuseppe. All the others, gone. Blown up to God."
Lisa Icon "Are you sure you want to solicit advice from ghosts that died in fireworks accidents?"
Giuseppe Icon "They tell-a Giuseppe what NOT to do. That is, when they are not screaming."
"Apparently, getting-a blown up hurts bad, even after you're dead."
Lisa Icon "Very comforting."

Failure to Launch Pt. 4Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Giuseppe Icon "Mama Mia! I just-a got an inspection-a notice from Town Hall."
"When they find-a the ‘works, they gonna take-a them away!"
Homer Icon "This time the government has gone too far."
"If I can bring a loaded AR-15 into a nursery school -- and thanks to the patriotism of dedicated nutcases, I can -- why can't I build explosives for pleasure?"
Giuseppe Icon "To be fair, fireworks and firearms... they are not-a the same."
Homer Icon "Well, they can both kill people. And THAT means I should be able to do whatever I want with them."
"I'll send out word that the government is trying to stop an honest citizen from playing with gunpowder."
"You watch what happens."
Giuseppe Icon "Oh boy..."

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Giuseppe Icon "The fireworks... they are-a gone!"
Lisa Icon "What's happened?!"
Giuseppe Icon "While we were demonstrating, somebody broke in and stole-a them."
"All our precious explode-o's, blammers, and fizzle-booms... gone!"

Failure to Launch Pt. 5Edit

Character Dialogue
Lisa Icon "Who would steal fireworks? Think, Lisa!"
Giuseppe Icon "Fear not. My family has an ancient, secret method for recovering lost fireworks."
"You see, the firework, she wants to be with others of her kind."
Lisa Icon "Uh... that seems unlikely. But go on..."
Giuseppe Icon "We use the little firecracker to find-a the big firework."
"Take-a the firecracker. Light-a the firecracker. Throw-a the firecracker."
Lisa Icon "Okay..."
Giuseppe Icon "If you hear a super-big KA-BOOM!, you have found-a the missing fireworks. If not, move on and-a try again."
Lisa Icon "And you say this is an ancient family technique?"
Giuseppe Icon "My sisters were the fireworks finders in the family. But they are all dead now."
Lisa Icon "Let me guess -- blown up by fireworks?"
Giuseppe Icon "Yes. What are the odds?"
Homer Icon "I've got my firework finding gear. Let's go!"

Failure to Launch Pt. 6Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Homer Icon "The heck with it. If we don't have explosions and the real possibility of accidental death, the Fourth is ruined."
"I'm just going to go to work."
Lisa Icon "Cheer up, Dad. There are a few cans of lighter fluid in the garage."
"We could light those on fire and see what happens!"
"That'll make for a great America's Birthday!"
Homer Icon "Nah. America stinks. We had a good run, but it's over. It's Ceylon's turn now."
Lisa Icon "I hate to see you so down. Tell you what -- start a trash-can fire at work."
"Maybe it'll cause a runaway inferno, and you can salvage what's left of Independence Day."
Homer Icon "Thanks, sweetie. Yeah, work is usually good for an explosion or two."
"Thank God I'm such a lousy safety inspector."

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Homer Icon "Woo-hoo! Work was great!"
"Mr. Burns let me have a whole box of donuts if I promised not to tell anyone that he's been using stolen fireworks for fuel."
Lisa Icon !!!
Homer Icon "I know. It's ridiculous, right? A whole box of donuts just for me..."
Oh fine, here's a couple of donuts for you too, but don't you DARE tell anyone, or we'll take them back.
 
— In Game Message


Failure to Launch Pt. 7Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Lisa Icon "So! The man behind these mysterious thefts is none other than Mr. Burns!"
"The very SAME Mr. Burns who is, without fail, behind absolutely every nefarious act in this town!"
Homer Icon "Tell me about it. The whole time I'm thinking, “It's probably Mr. Burns, but we're not really doing THAT story again, are we?"
"And THEN I thought: “Well, if it DOES turn out to be Mr. Burns, for sure don't point out how it's ALWAYS Mr. Burns, because that just makes it seem EVEN WORSE."
"But then YOU pointed it out, so I pointed it out, and now it's all anyone can think about."
"Which is unfortunate."
Giuseppe Icon "Well, if-a Mr. Burns is the bad guy, then I'm-a gonna have words with him right now!"
Homer Icon "Ooh -- I love when Italians get mad. They can say a thousand swears with their hands alone!"
"Watch and learn, Lis!"

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Giuseppe Icon "Give-a me back my fireworks, evil skeleton!"
Mr. Burns Icon "And have them turned into a weapon against me? No, I'm not keen to see rockets exploding on my front porch."
Homer Icon "We don't want to shoot them at you, silly!"
"It's the sky we want to blow up. And the sky's no-good friend: clouds."
Mr. Burns Icon "I'm not talking about you."
"I simply can't afford to have these fine explodables end up in the hands of my family's mortal enemies."
Cletus Icon "Hi, Homer! Hi, Lisa! Hi, Italian person!"
"And hello to you, Burnsy. Or should I call you... Dead Man?"
Mr. Burns Icon "Yes, everyone, it's true. The Spuckler clan and the Burns clan are a-feudin' agin."
"The Burnses have fought the Spucklers down through the generations."
"At times the feud merely simmers. But it always flares anew at the slightest provocation."
Homer Icon "Mr. Burns! I didn't realize you came from hillbilly stock."
Mr. Burns Icon "Oh, I don't."
"A mere three generations ago, the Spucklers were our rivals in Philadelphia high society."
"They were one of the richest, most erudite families in America."
Cletus Icon "Ay-yup."
"Then my grand pappy lost his railroad, and pretty soon we's eatin' shoe leather and possum, and findin' we likes the taste!"
Mr. Burns Icon "Our family fortunes may have diverged, but our hands are so steeped in Spuckler blood, and their hands in ours, that we will never truly live in peace."
Cletus Icon "Sad but true. Well, I'm off. Kill ya later, Burns!"
Mr. Burns Icon "Kill you later, Cletus! Tell Brandine I'll kill her later, too!"
Cletus Icon "Will do!"

Failure to Launch Pt. 8Edit

Character Dialogue
Giuseppe Icon "Well, all is not-a lost. I have a special surprise for you, Lisa."
Lisa Icon "You don't mean..."
Giuseppe Icon "Yes! We are ready to show-a off our new firework!"
Lisa Icon "This is so exciting!"
Giuseppe Icon "You're-a telling me! I've never fired spent-a nuclear fuel rods into the atmosphere before!"
Lisa Icon "I wish I didn't know that's what was happening."

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