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Honest Abe
Abraham Lincoln Icon

Event

4th July 2013 Event

Release Date

June 28th 2013

Number of Quests

10

Honest Abe is a quest from the 4th July 2013 Event featuring Abraham Lincoln.

QuestsEdit

Quest Requirements Time
Honest Abe Pt. 1 Make Abraham Lincoln Split Rails 8h
Honest Abe Pt. 2 Make Abraham Lincoln Split Rails 8h
Honest Abe Pt. 3 Make Abraham Lincoln Feel Paranoid 8h
Honest Abe Pt. 4 Make Abraham Lincoln Feel Paranoid 8h
Honest Abe Pt. 5 Build Springfield Library
Make Abraham Lincoln Research Abraham Lincolns Fate
24h
24h
Honest Abe Pt. 6 Build Jake's Unisex Hair Palace
Make Abraham Lincoln Get a Beard Trim
24h
60m
Honest Abe Pt. 7 Make Abraham Lincoln Coach the Springfield Elementary Debate Team 12h
Honest Abe Pt. 8 Make Lincoln Run For It! 12h
Honest Abe Pt. 9 Make Abraham Lincoln Attempt to Blend In 24h
Honest Abe Pt. 10 Make Abraham Lincoln Split Rails 8h

DialogueEdit

Honest Abe Pt. 1Edit

Character Dialogue
Abraham Lincoln Icon "Four scores and seven years ago, our forefathers---"
"WHAT THE? WHERE DID GETTYSBURG GO? WHAT LAND IS THIS AND WHAT'S WITH ALL THE BLUE HOUSES?"
Professor Frink Icon "Good glaven, it's Abraham Lincoln!"
"The cashing-in of so many expensive donuts must have opened a wormhole to the past, ensnaring our sixteenth President!"
Abraham Lincoln Icon "By Jingo, my good nerd! Are you talking about t-t-t-t...time travel?"
Professor Frink Icon "I am. Tell me –- in your own time period, have you ever had contact with the ancestors of the Simpsons?"
Lisa Icon "He did once. It was only a few lines of dialog, though. It's kind of hard to see how that justifies him appearing here."
Professor Frink Icon "It does seem odd. Odd and desperate!"
Abraham Lincoln Icon "This is a lot to digest. I need to relax, by doing the funnest, most rewarding activity in the world..."

Honest Abe Pt. 2Edit

Character Dialogue
Lisa Icon "Mr. Lincoln, did you know that our country now has its first African-American president? Pretty amazing, huh?"
Abraham Lincoln Icon "Well, it took long enough. I would've thought it'd happen by 1920. 1930 at the latest."
Lisa Icon "Well, there were some setbacks along the way..."
Abraham Lincoln Icon "No, no! You all go right on patting yourselves on the back for being a bit less racist after 150 years. Well done. Seriously, you guys rock."
Lisa Icon "Uh... hey look! Over there! Unsplit rails!"
Abraham Lincoln Icon "Unsplit rails? Let me at 'em!"

Honest Abe Pt. 3Edit

Character Dialogue
Abraham Lincoln Icon "So when do I get to go back to my own time?"
Professor Frink Icon "Soon. I just need to de-gloiven the hoyvenmaven, then it's a simple matter of breaking every law of the physical universe, and pressing this big red button."
Abraham Lincoln Icon "Excellent. Really looking forward to finishing up the Civil War, serving my term in office, then enjoying a long retirement."
Professor Frink Icon ...
Abraham Lincoln Icon "What? What did I say? Why are you looking at me all weird?"

Honest Abe Pt. 4Edit

Character Dialogue
Abraham Lincoln Icon "How come every time I mention how much I'm looking forward to retiring, starting an alpaca farm and living to a ripe old age, people get awkward and change the subject?"
Lisa Icon "So... how IS the weather in D.C. this time of year?"
Abraham Lincoln Icon "Now you're doing it! Why? Are alpacas not a sound investment?"
"You can be honest -- I'm not married to the idea. It just seemed like a fun way to pass my many, many Golden Years."
Lisa Icon ...

Honest Abe Pt. 5Edit

Character Dialogue
Abraham Lincoln Icon "Okay, something terrible happens to me sometime after I go back to 1865. What is it?"
Lisa Icon "Uh... I don't think I'm allowed to tell you."
Abraham Lincoln Icon "Then I’ll use your public library to find the answer for myself!"

Honest Abe Pt. 6Edit

Character Dialogue
Abraham Lincoln Icon "Unbelievable! Your library stocks nothing but romance novels and books of something called "Sudoku"."
Lisa Icon "That’s all anyone reads anymore"
Abraham Lincoln Icon "Kid, you gotta tell me what happens to me. Am I in danger? Do I die or something? Because I will do literally ANYTHING to prevent that."
"Nothing is more precious to me than my life. I would gladly let the South win the war if it meant five seconds more of precious, precious living for Honest Abe."
"History remembers what a huge coward I was, right?"
Lisa Icon "Uh... no. We have a pretty high opinion of you"
Abraham Lincoln Icon "Great. Listen, I'm gonna get this beard trimmed. While I do, I suggest you seriously reconsider telling me the truth!"

Honest Abe Pt. 7Edit

Character Dialogue
Lisa Icon "Mr.Lincoln I’ll make a deal."
"I’ll tell you what happens to you if, as one of historys greatest debaters, you give a few pointers to Springfield Elementarys Debate Team."
Abraham Lincoln Icon "Sure. Make your President jump through hoops before you answer a simple question. How patriotic of you."
Lisa Icon "I'm precocious. Its not a crime."
Abraham Lincoln Icon "Well, when I get back I'm gonna MAKE it one. Well call it the Lisa Simpson Amendment."

Honest Abe Pt. 8Edit

Character Dialogue
Lisa Icon "Okay, Mr. Lincoln -- a deals a deal. Here's what happens to you. On the night of April 14, 1865..."
Abraham Lincoln Icon "You know what? If what I've seen of Springfield is typical of the rest of America in 2013, let some other sucker preserve this crappy Union. I'm staying here."
Professor Frink Icon "I'm afraid we cant let you do that, Mr. President."
Abraham Lincoln Icon "Yeah, well good luck catching me. Lincoln away!"

Honest Abe Pt. 9Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Homer Icon "Man, that Lincoln guy is fast! Did you see where he went, pal?"
Abraham Lincoln Icon "Uh, no! By my top hat, mustache-less beard and frock coat, I haven't seen anyone matching the description of this Abraham Lincoln."
Homer Icon "Hey, you're the him I was talking about!"
Abraham Lincoln Icon "Drat! I need to modernize my look!"

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Abraham Lincoln Icon "Good day, kind sir. I wish to purchase a beverage from your fine establishment."
Apu Icon "I have never encountered such a polite customer. I can only assume there is something deeply wrong with you. Please do not kill me."
Abraham Lincoln Icon "You've got it all wrong! I'm just an average American from this time period. Like everybody, I enjoy man caves, candy and debilitating laziness."
Apu Icon "Wait! I know you! You are the man from the Take-a-Penny-Leave-a-Penny tray!"
Abraham Lincoln Icon "I must remember to be as rude and boorish as the rest of these horrible people"

Honest Abe Pt. 10Edit

Character Dialogue
Mr. Burns Icon "If it isn't my boyhood pal, Abraham! Fancy meeting you here!"
Abraham Lincoln Icon "Hiya, Monty. Could you keep your voice down? I'm kind of lying low."
Mr. Burns Icon "Of course. Say, didn't something happen with you at a theater a few years back? I thought I heard that."
Abraham Lincoln Icon "No, I'm fine now. Listen, do you think I could hole up at your place for a few years? Just until the heat dies down."
Mr. Burns Icon "I suppose that could be arranged. If someone were to take an interest in the large pile of unsplit rail in my backyard."
Abraham Lincoln Icon "It’s a deal!"

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