Kearney Icon

Level Required


Number of Quests


The Kearney quests are a series of quests featuring Kearney Zzyzwicz. These quests requires the Brown House, Bart's Tree House, Van Houten House, Muntz House, Moe's Tavern to be built.


Quest Requirements Time Reward
A Victimless Crime Make Bart Shoplift from the Kwik-E-Mart
Make Milhouse Shoplift from the Kwik-E-Mart
Bullies On Parade Make Kearney Dance a Jig
Make Nelson Shake Down Kids For Lunch Money
n/a Cash100
Parental Priorities Make Kearney Take Son for the Night 24h Cash100
Breaking the Slaw Make Kearney Dump Spoiled Coleslaw in Van Houten House Cash100
Just How Old Are You Make Kearney Use Fake ID at Moe's Cash100


A Victimless CrimeEdit

Character Dialogue
Kearney Icon "Hey, Simpson! Gimme your lunch money or I'll break every bone in your body!"
Bart Icon "Sorry, I spent all my cash on houses and decorations."
Kearney Icon "But I'm hungry... and mean. Maybe you and your friend could steal me some food from the Kwik-E-Mart."
Milhouse Icon "But... stealing is stealing!"
Kearney Icon "Like it says in the Bible: "it's only stealing if you get caught.""

Bullies On ParadeEdit

Character Dialogue
Kearney Icon "Nelson! How come you're spending so much extra time at school? Have you gone soft?"
Nelson Icon "Sadly, even if I WANTED to go soft, I've forgotten how. It's the price of bully-dom."
Kearney Icon "Good! Let's get down to business! Since you've already got detention into the next millenium, there's no point in me getting my hands dirty. I'll create a diversion while you beat some lunch money out of geeks!"

Parental PrioritiesEdit

Character Dialogue
Kearney Icon "Simpson, you're all right! You remind me of my son -- he's just about your age!‎"

Breaking the SlawEdit

Character Dialogue
Kearney Icon "Hey Bart! I found a bunch of rancid coleslaw in the dumpster behind Krusty Burger. Let's go heave it at that dweeb Milhouse's house!"
Bart Icon "But Milhouse is my friend."
Kearney Icon "So? We bullies trash each other's stuff all the time. Wait -- do nice people have a different understanding of friendship than us super-jerks?"

Just How Old Are YouEdit

Character Dialogue
Kearney Icon "Bullying is no picnic. Some days, I almost wish I was a weakling. It'd be nice to let somebody else do the pummeling for a change, you know? Man, I need a drink."