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Kiss My Grits
Brandine Icon

Event

Valentine's Day 2014 Event

Release date

February 5, 2014

Number of quests

7

Kiss My Grits is a quest chain featuring Brandine Spuckler Completing this quest unlocks a new job for Brandine, Birth Another Spuckler.

QuestsEdit

Quest Requirements Time
Kiss My Grits Pt. 1 Reach Level 6 and Build Cletus' Farm
Make Brandine Stab Possums
60m
Kiss My Grits Pt. 2 Make Brandine Watch Real Sister-wives of Shelbyville 12h
Kiss My Grits Pt. 3 Reach Level 15 and Build Moe's Tavern
Make Moe Smuggle Endangered Species
Make Brandine Pick Up Supplies
8h
Kiss My Grits Pt. 4 Harvest Tomacco (x2)
Brandine Prepare Her "Something" Stew
60m (x2)
4h
Kiss My Grits Pt. 5 Reach Level 18 and Build Luigi's
Make Brandine Go for a Date with Cletus
Make Luigi Perform an Alleyway Serenade
8h
Kiss My Grits Pt. 6 Make Brandine Watch Real Sister-wives of Shelbyville 12h
Kiss My Grits Pt. 7 Make Brandine Defend Springfield From Terrorists 24h

DialogueEdit

Kiss My Grits Pt. 1Edit

Character Dialogue
Brandine Icon "I can't believe I's back in Springfield! Whelp, supposin' the first thing I should do is call my husband."
"CLEEEEEEEEE-TUS! SOOOO-WEEEE!"
Cletus Icon "Brandine! When's that dinner comin'? I's is starving!"
Brandine Icon "I have been floating around being non-existent for well over an owl's age. Do you mean to tell me you have not eaten that whole time?!"
Cletus Icon "Not hardly. I ain't got much in the way of eating jobs."
Brandine Icon "Well, don't you worry, darlin'. I'll fix you up your favorite sandwich -- poached possum pattie in a possum piuch pita."

Kiss My Grits Pt. 2Edit

Character Dialogue
Brandine Icon "These here possums has to soak in a pot a melted butter for an hour. Mainly, so's I kin be sure they's dead. Cause a half-dead possum kin get purty scratchity."
"While I'm waitin', I suppose I can catch up on some of my housekeeping and parenting duties."

Kiss My Grits Pt. 3Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Homer Icon "Mmm, something's cooking, let's have a taste!"
"Ugh! That is the worst thing I've ever tasted and I have eaten pretty much everything that can fit in my mouth."
Brandine Icon "That's partly cuz you's tasting it with my fly-swatting spoon. But also cuz it's missing a special ingrediment."
"Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go see that monkey-faced man what sells that strange, non-blinding moonshine"

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Brandine Icon "Okay, mister, I helped you move that polka-dot Chinese bear. Now give me my secret ingrediment."
Moe Icon "Of course. Here you go, one precious panda bear egg."
Lisa Icon "What? First of all, pandas don't lay eggs and secondly, that's a lemon."
Moe Icon "Pipe down, Encyclopedia Brown. I need her hillbilly super strength. If you keep quiet, I'll let you pet the pandas."
Lisa Icon "Are you kidding me? You're asking me to go against my core values just to pet a--- Oh my God they're so fuzzy! Okay, an hour of petting and I'll be cool."
Brandine Icon "I'mma head home 'fore this panda egg hatches."

Kiss My Grits Pt. 4Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Brandine Icon "Mmm-mm, this dish is gonna make Cletus happier than a hound dog in a room full of butts."
"Hey, Cletus! Get me a couple, two, three a them Tomaccos."
Cletus Icon "Oh boy! I love the subtle taste of a tomacco, it combines the sweetness of tomato with sharpness of accidentally drinking from your chaw spit-cup."

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Brandine Icon "Darn it, Cletus, I used too much Tomacco."
Cletus Icon "Nonsense, Darlin'. When it comes to Tomacco, I likes a heavy hand."
Brandine Icon "But the smell of it drew the attention of all them Tomacco-addicted Sheep-Junkies what roam this hillside."
"They busted in and ate the whole washtub of possum."
Cletus Icon "Aw, don't you fret, we gots these places where you can have your grub made by a pro-fessnal vittle-fixer n' brought out to ya by these people called waitnesses."
Brandine Icon "That's sounds like a moonshine-daydream! Take me to this place!"

Kiss My Grits Pt. 5Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Luigi Icon "I'ma so sorry, but I cannot let a you eat in the dining room. You see the sign? No shirt, no shoses, no service."
Brandine Icon "Shoot, and I really wanted me some service!"
Cletus Icon "I'd try an order of the shoes, however."
Luigi Icon "Don't worry, I've got a beautiful table in the alley. It's usually reserved for when my dog acquaintances have dates, but tonight it's yours."

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Brandine Icon "Cletus! Feel what these napkins is made of! I don't even know what you call that!"
Luigi Icon "It's called "paper.""
Brandine Icon *sighs* "It feels like the softest part of trees."
Cletus Icon "You has changed, Brandine. The beautiful city-life has spoilt you."
Brandine Icon "Ah-yep."

Kiss My Grits Pt. 6Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Brandine Icon "I used to love my simple home. Now that I've seen the city, everythin' here seems so dusty and full of brambles."
"'Specially the dust-pond and the bramble-shed."
Cletus Icon "It pains to hear you talk like that, my dear Sister-mom. Hey, your favorite TV show is on! Maybe that's shut you up!"
Brandine Icon "Yes. I will escape into the dreamy, soft embrace of staged arguments amongst fish-lipped, cat-faced ladies."

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Brockman Icon "We interrupt this broadcast to bring you urgent news!"
"In an effort to stay ahead of bloggers and the tweet-o-sphere, Channel Six is reporting a signicant possibility Springfield may fall victim to a terrorist attack in the near and/or distant future..."
"Stay tuned to hear from people we frightened on the street with our questions."

Kiss My Grits Pt. 7Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Brandine Icon "Now I remember why I don't like city livin'."
"You get caught up in the glamour of napkins and forgets whats important: stockpiling 'munitions so's to potect 'merica!"
"Until such time that we hill folk rise up against the guv'mint."

MiddleEdit

Character Dialogue
Brandine Icon "You know Cletus, when I thinks of all the threats we face day to day, makes me wonder why anyone's want to bring a child into this world."
"When what they should be doing is bringing a whole army of chirren into this world."
Cletus Icon "Dang straight! They ain't no problem in the world what idn't made better by having more babies."
Brandine Icon "We better shake a tail feather, we got a barracks to fill. I think I already gots one in the chute. I'll birth it out and we kin git started on t'oter."
Cletus Icon "Aw, Brandine, I jes love our date nights."
You unlocked a new job for Brandine! You can now send her to Birth Another Spuckler.
 
— In Game Message


EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Lisa Icon "90 days? Excuse me, Mrs. Spuckler, but isn't the human gestational period 9 months?"
Cletus Icon "Brandine ain't had a nine month pregnancy since she went swimming outside the Nuke-lar plat."
Brandine Icon "It's like my baby oven is now a microwave."

After Having Brandine Give Birth 3 TimesEdit

Character Dialogue
Quimby Icon "Good Lord, Springfield has suddenly dropped to the bottom of every list with regard to literacy and income. And we've shot to the top of the charts with regard to webbed feet."
"Brandine and Cletus, your giant family is throwing off all of our averages. What can we to do convince you to stop reproducing?"
Brandine Icon "You cain't ask us to stop making chirren, having a gigantic family means everythin' to me--"
Quimby Icon "We'll give you free tickets to every tractor pull."
Brandine Icon "You got yourself a deal! Who cares if my arms are empty long as I get to watch giant tractors pull thangs."

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