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Land of the Lard
Time Travelling Toaster Sidebar

Content Update

Time Traveling Toaster 2017 Event

Level Required

5

Release Date

May 30, 2017

Number of Quests

4

Preceded By

It's About Time

Land of the Lard was the second main questline of the Time Traveling Toaster 2017 Event


Quests Edit

Quest Requirements Time Reward Triggered By
Land of the Lard Pt. 1 Make Homer Unchange the Future 4h Fossil Icon850
XP10
Homer
Land of the Lard Pt. 2 Make Homer Set Off Firecrackers 4h Fossil Icon850
XP10
Homer
Land of the Lard Pt. 3 Make Homer Leave a Keg for Caveman Artie 4h Fossil Icon850
XP10
Homer
Land of the Lard Pt. 4 Make Homer Fire a Rocket 4h Fossil Icon2050
XP20
Homer

Dialogue Edit

Land of the Lard Pt. 1 Edit

Start Edit

Character Dialogue
Homer Scared Icon What could I possibly have done to make Marge fall for a billionaire like Artie, instead of a worthless drunk like me?
Lisa Nagging Icon I'm assuming that in your timeline, the Lisa that's your daughter warned you not to alter the past.
Homer Sarcastic Icon That's why I love you, Lisa. In any universe, you're a shameless nag.
Lisa Eyeroll Icon Two things: first, Other Me told you so. Nah-nah-nah. And second, whatever tiny change you made to history, there has to be a way to undo it.
Homer Serious Icon Then I won't quit until I've set things aright. Or enough time has passed that I don't seem like too bad a guy for giving up!

All Objectives Started Edit

Character Dialogue
Homer Thoughtful Icon I've located the caveman most likely to be Artie's ancestor. But how to be sure...?
Artie Ziff Caveman Icon I'm Caveman Ziff!
Homer Serious Icon Now all I gotta do is figure out how to stop him from ever having offspring, and modern-day Artie just disappears!
Homer Proud Icon This is the nicest form of murder I've ever come up with. What a good guy I am!

End Edit

Character Dialogue
Homer Annoyed Icon Hey, Caveman Ziff! Where are all the other men? How come you stay at the cave all day, alone with the women?
Artie Ziff Caveman Icon Well, those troglodytes consider me a shameful weakling, unfit to join the clan's hunting party.
Artie Ziff Caveman Icon So I am left here... all day... alone with their wives... When you're the only available man, it hardly matters HOW pitiable you are.
Homer Thoughtful Icon Your very pathetic-ness is your greatest strength. Fascinating!
Artie Ziff Caveman Icon Thank you!

Land of the Lard Pt. 2 Edit

Start Edit

Character Dialogue
Homer Serious Icon I need to show the cave ladies Artie is too big a coward to mate with. No matter HOW desperate they are. Bart, I need firecrackers.
Bart Confused Icon I don't have any firecrackers.
Homer Icon You're not in trouble, I will pay you. Please, tell me or else, and I love you.
Bart Icon All good reasons. Second drawer.

All Objectives Started Edit

Character Dialogue
Homer Sarcastic Icon Look! Look, Neander-babes! See how Caveman Ziff cowers from the fiery explosions!

End Edit

Character Dialogue
Artie Ziff Caveman Icon Behold, ladies! I have created fire! Tremble at my extreme desirability!
Homer Doh Icon D'oh!

Land of the Lard Pt. 3 Edit

Start Edit

Character Dialogue
Homer Icon Lisa, if you needed to outsmart a primitive cave-person raised in an environment of complete ignorance, what would YOU do?
Lisa Eyeroll Icon You're smarter than a caveman. You've just got to be.
Homer Happy Icon I know! I'll crush him with a rock!
Lisa Deadpan Icon I take that back.
Homer Thoughtful Icon I suppose I could get him drunk. Expose him to our modern, high-tech alcohols. Let him make a fool of himself.
Lisa Deadpan Icon How needlessly complex. Give it a shot!

End Edit

Character Dialogue
Homer Furious Icon Hey, idiot! You're supposed to DRINK from the keg, not roll it around!
Artie Ziff Caveman Icon Behold, women! Caveman Ziff has another amazing invention. First, fire. Now, the wheel! Swoon at my greatness!
Homer Scared Icon At this rate, I'll return to a world populated entirely by Artie Ziffs.

Land of the Lard Pt. 4 Edit

Start Edit

Character Dialogue
Homer Sarcastic Icon You know what they say: if at first you don't succeed, and at second you suck even worse, go back to the first idea you had, but do it bigger.
Homer Icon Hey, Professor! What's the biggest explosion you can whip up in ten minutes or less?
Professor Frink Icon What's the rush? You DO have access to a time machine. Glayvin.
Homer Skeptical Icon I don't see your point. Chop chop!
Professor Frink Angry Icon All righty. I WAS going to provide you with a small nuclear device, but owing to your profound and obvious imbecility, just take this rocket.
Professor Frink Icon Now leave me alone. Have fun destroying something.

All Objectives Started Edit

Character Dialogue
Homer Sarcastic Icon Behold, Cave honeys! Caveman Ziff, a very ugly and puny man, has meddled with the forces of nature, and now the gods are pissed!
Homer Thoughtful Icon Let's see... how do you set this rocket off...?
Homer Surprised Icon ...
Homer Glassedeye Icon Uh, oh.

End Edit

Character Dialogue
Homer Icon So, good news: I don't think Caveman Ziff is too popular with the ladies anymore. Bad news: we now know what wiped out the wooly mammoths.
Homer Guilty Icon And that all the saber-toothed tigers were crushed beneath falling wooly mammoths.
The story will continue in Act 2. Keep collecting Fossils and Hidden Gems to get more prizes!
 
— System Message.


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