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Prince and the Premise
Barbarian

Event

Clash of Clones 2014 Event

Released Date

August 19, 2014

Number of Quests

23

Prince and the Premise is the main questline of the Clash of Clones 2014 Event.

QuestsEdit

Quest Requirements Time Reward
Prince and the Premise Pt. 1 Make Barbarian Attack the Simpson House 60m Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 2 Build the Barbarian Castle 16h Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 3 Attack Another Springfield --- Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 4 Make Homer Attack Barbarian 6s Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 5 Make Barbarian Chase Homer with an Axe 2h Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 6 Make Homer and Barbarian Drink at Moe’s 8h Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 7 Make Homer and Barbarian Drink 10 More Beers 60m Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 8 Collect Gold
Make Homer Bulk Up
Make Barbarian Get a Haircut
Make Homer and Barbarian Switch Places
4h
45s
Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 9 Make Homer Barbarian Pretend to Be a Sitcom Dad 8h Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 10 Make Homer Barbarian Chase Bully (Nelson) with an Axe 4h Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 11 Make Lisa Play in the Recital
Make Homer Barbarian Make Springfielders Attend the Recital
Make Springfielders Attend the Recital Under Threat of Death (x10)
12h Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 12 Make Homer Barbarian Express Rage Against Noobs 12h Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 13 Make Barbarian Homer Attack the Simpson House 60m Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 14 Make Homer Hide Unconscious Barbarian In Brown House 4h Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 15 Build Castle Recycle
Upgrade Archer Lisa to Level 4
Build Boxingham Palace
Upgrade Goblin Bart to Level 3
--- Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 16 Make Homer Pose as the Barbarian Posing as Homer 12h Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 17 Make Barbarian Homer Express Rage Against Noobs 12h Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 18 Upgrade the Barbarian Castle to Level 10
Upgrade the Castle Recycle to Level 8
Upgrade the Boxingham Palace to Level 7
Upgrade Archer Lisa to Level 7
Upgrade Goblin Bart to Level 5
Upgrade Wizard Marge to Level 3
--- Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 19 Make Archer Lisa Think About the Impacts of Raiding 8h Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 20 Make Mr. Burns Blow Lisa’s Mind 24h Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 21 Make the Simpsons Steal Premium Currency 24h Donuts15, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 22 Make Lisa Reluctantly Sing Karaoke
Make Marge Reluctantly Sing Karaoke
60m Elixir100, XP10
Prince and the Premise Pt. 23 Reach Level 25 and Build the Burns Manor
Make Barbarian Go on a Date With Smithers
2h Elixir100, XP10

DialogueEdit

Prince and the Premise Pt. 1Edit

Character Dialogue
Barbarian Icon GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!
"Loot! Pillage! Burn! Take! Abscond! Steal! Scream synonyms!"
Ned Icon "Hey there yella fella, why are you giving an extra helping of beat down to my blue bottles?"
Barbarian Icon "Me am barbarian. Must pillage and destroy!"
Ned Icon "You're not from around here, are you Mr. Barbarian?"
Barbarian Icon "Barbarian am from another land!"
Ned Icon "Tell me about the far-away place!"
Barbarian Icon "It am land where violence rules! Where me drink from skull of enemy!"
"Where me poop through butt of enemy!"
Ned Icon "That's a little too much TMI!"
"Well, sir, since you've got an appetite for destruction, instead of axing my rose bushes, why not Slash this house next door?"
Barbarian Icon "Barbarian appreciate your Guns ‘N’ Roses references. Barbarian will pillage 742 Evergreen Terrace!"

Prince and the Premise Pt. 2Edit

Character Dialogue
Barbarian Icon "Smash! Loot! Pillage! Wreck!"
Homer Icon "What gives? That’s my house you’re smashing."
Barbarian Icon GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!
Homer Icon "Chief Wiggum, I need you to physically subdue this axe-wielding muscular giant who clearly is a master of hand-to-hand combat!"
Wiggum Icon "Sorry Simpson, that’s a big no can do. In that there’s no possible way I can do it, thus the term, “no can do."
Barbarian Icon GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!
Homer Icon "Come on Grunty, knock it off. That’s my house — where I eat and sleep and look at magazines and stuff."
Barbarian Icon GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!
Homer Icon "The pillaging, I get. Who wouldn't want all my awesome stuff?"
"Like my extra-thick TV, my dozens of hidden mini-fridges, and all those magazines I mentioned earlier."
Barbarian Icon GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!
Homer Icon "But hear me out —- you are in serious danger of over-pillaging."
Barbarian Icon GRUNT? GRUNT? GRUNT?
Homer Icon "That’s right, over-pillaging."
"You pillage all this fantastic stuff, but you have nowhere to put it."
"Then it gets rained on, and the ants get into it, and it’s Hibbert’s shed all over again."
"Everything’s ruined – and you wasted all that great pillaging."
Barbarian Icon GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!
Homer Icon "What you need is a place to keep all the great stuff you pillaged."
Barbarian Icon Grunt, grunt... "storage locker?"
Homer Icon "No, those storage places always rip you off. What you need is a castle!"
Barbarian Icon Grunt, grunt, GRUNT!

Prince and the Premise Pt. 3Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Barbarian Icon Grunt, grunt, grunt?
Homer Icon "What’s wrong, barbarian buddy?"
Barbarian Icon "Barbarian need fighters to pillage for Barbarian!"
Homer Icon "Oh, I get it. Someone to do the dirty work for you. They do all the getting killed, you get all the mini-fridges."
Barbarian Icon Grunt, grunt, "exactly."
Homer Icon "Well, this town isn’t exactly full of big muscle-y ass-whompers like yourself."
"But it is full of… nerds!"
Barbarian Icon "Grunt, grunt, nerds?"
Homer Icon "A whole bunch of medieval dorks are always playing with fake swords in the park."
"I bet they’d love to go raiding with a real disemboweling skull-drinker like yourself."
"The only problem is… those nerds wouldn’t stand a chance. They’d be totally slaughtered."
Barbarian Icon "Barbarian would never send nerds to pointless deaths."
Homer Icon ?
Barbarian Icon ?
"Grunt, grunt, KIDDING!"
Homer Icon "You had me there for a sec. You totally had me."

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Skinner Icon "I must say Mr. Barbarian, you’re doing a wonderful service for these young gentlemen."
Barbarian Icon "Huh?"
Skinner Icon "I’m told you’re planning a vigorous exercise program."
Barbarian Icon "No. Me send them to deaths. More than they deserve."
Skinner Icon "But they are doing you a favor by retrieving valuable items for you?"
Barbarian Icon "Raid takes time. Attack with more nerds destroy building faster. When more nerds attack, is harder to defend. More dead nerds equals more good for me.'
Skinner Icon "Um… did you just say…?"
Barbarian Icon "DEAD NERDS EQUALS MORE GOOD FOR ME!!!"
Skinner Icon "I need a bag of salted cashews."

Prince and the Premise Pt. 4Edit

Character Dialogue
Rev. Lovejoy Icon "Excuse me, Homer. A tiny favor"
Homer Icon "What are you doing here? I don’t come to where you work and ask you for things."
Rev. Lovejoy Icon "You come to the church every Sunday and pray for a new car."
Homer Icon "Nice, I see what you did there. Classic reversal. Although, to be fair, it was a pretty solid set up on my part."
Rev. Lovejoy Icon "You've got to talk to your barbarian friend. He and his gang of nerds have been looting and pillaging all over town."
"They stole Patty and Selma’s menopause medication."
Homer Icon "Those two without their woman hormones? That oughta be good for a larf!"
Rev. Lovejoy Icon "The horde destroyed Chester’s shed — he was finally this close to finishing it."
Homer Icon "Poor old Chester, always good for a larf."
Rev. Lovejoy Icon "The barbarians and nerds savagely beat the Yes-Man, leaving him with permanent brain damage."
Homer Icon "Trust me, with that guy there wasn't much brain left to damage. Savage beatings, always good for a larf."
Rev. Lovejoy Icon "You've got to do something!"
Homer Icon "But all the stuff you’re saying is good for a larf! Why would I want to stop larfs?"
Rev. Lovejoy Icon "Then I guess you wouldn't care that the Barbarian stole Ned – Flanders’ wet-dry vac."
Homer Icon "That’s not good for a larf!"
"Hey, you, helmet head! There’s only one person who steals from Ned – Flanders in this town — and that’s me!"
Barbarian Icon "Grunt, grunt, you've got to be kidding."
Homer Icon "Give Flanders back his wet-dry vac — or else!"
Barbarian Icon "But wet-dry vac am good for cleaning up blood AND guts."
Homer Icon "Put the wet-dry vac back!"
Barbarian Icon "Grunt, grunt, what if I don’t?"
Homer Icon "Then grunt grunt I kick your grunt!"

Prince and the Premise Pt. 5Edit

No Dialogue

Prince and the Premise Pt. 6Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Homer Icon "Well, you chased me for 2 hours, and you finally caught me."
Barbarian Icon "You better runner than I thought."
Homer Icon "Well, I guess it’s time for you to chop off my head."
Barbarian Icon "Soon me drink from your skull!"
Homer Icon "Drink, eh?"
"Say Barbie, before you decapitate me, scrape all the flesh off my head, boil the bones to a nice chalky-white, then seal up all the little head holes to keep the liquid from leaking… what say I buy you a beer?"
Barbarian Icon "GRUNT, GRUNT, THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ‘BOUT!!!"

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Barbarian Icon "Have to admit, beer from mug better than beer from skull. Skull beer always taste like old head meat."
Homer Icon "Even if you boil the skull for a long time?"
Barbarian Icon "No matter how long me boil skull, still am taste hint of brain."
Homer Icon "You’re just full of interesting trivia. Which Springfield are you from?"
Barbarian Icon "Am not from Springfield. Am from… other game."
Homer Icon "So we just admit now that we know we live in a game? No more pretense?"
Barbarian Icon "Why lie to selves? Is insult to players’ intelligence."
Homer Icon "Yeah, okay. That makes things easier."
"So, tell me about the game you come from."
Barbarian Icon "Is called “Clash of Castles."
"Barbarians attack other towns, destroy everything, kill everyone, and pillage gold and elixir."
Homer Icon "So that explains the pillaging."
Barbarian Icon "Is all me know."
Homer Icon "Your Clash of Castles game sounds awesome. I have to admit, I’m getting a little bored of my game. It’s pretty vanilla."
"Everything’s so wussy here. “Valentine’s Day Hearts”? “Friendship Points?"
"And don’t get me started on those (EXPLETIVE DELETED) Easter fences!!!"
"Your game sounds a million times better than my game! And so much more addicting. Like I’d totally ignore my town to play in your world."
Barbarian Icon "Yeah, me guess it’s okay"
Homer Icon "What’s the income tax rate on pillaging?"
Barbarian Icon "Zero."
Homer Icon "Federal and state?"
Barbarian Icon "Us drink from skull of tax collector so yeah."
Homer Icon " Nice games are so boring! Rated “E” for Everybody — more like “L” for Lamewads Losers and Larrys!"
"Larry is this guy who used to really annoy everyone. He wore huge t-shirts that looked like dresses."
Barbarian Icon "Him sound like wiener."
Homer Icon "I never get to kill anyone! Not even a Squeaky Voice Teen or a Wise Guy!"
Barbarian Icon "Killing am big rush, no lie."
Homer Icon "20 more beers over here, Moe!"

Prince and the Premise Pt. 7Edit

Character Dialogue
Barbarian Icon "Can me tell you something?"
Homer Icon "Anything, pal."
Barbarian Icon "Me am jealous — of you!"
Homer Icon *spit-take*
Barbarian Icon "Me tired of kill kill kill, pillage pillage pillage, grunt grunt grunt. Sometimes, me just want put feet by fire and drink from skull of enemy with someone me love."
" Me want do Sunday crossword puzzle in bed then go to brunch, not slaughter castle full of archers and wizards."
Homer Icon "See, I would love to bathe in wizard blood."
Barbarian Icon "Me would love stay home watch “The Bachelor” eating low calorie popcorn."
Homer Icon "I guess each of us would love to have the other guy’s life."
Barbarian Icon "Yes, that am situation."
Moe Icon "Hey guys, did you know that when the Barbarian here takes off his helmet, he looks just like Homer."
Homer Icon "OMG — Oh my God! It’s true!"
Barbarian Icon "OMC — Oh my Crom! Us am twins!"
Moe Icon "You guys should switch places and live each other’s lives, just like that classic piece of literature: “Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties".
Barbarian Icon "Switch places? That sounds hacky."
Homer Icon "No, no it’s cool. The same happened – to Bart in one of the episodes of the TV show this whole thing is based on."
Barbarian Icon " Us game not based on TV show. Am original IP."
Moe Icon "Must be nice."
Homer Icon " So it’s agreed, I’ll live the life of a Barbarian, and you’ll live the life of a family man!"
Barbarian Icon "Me still think this am hacky, but am worth it."

Prince and the Premise Pt. 8Edit

Character Dialogue
Homer Icon "To be me, all you have to do is shave that mustache."
Barbarian Icon "You must turn all that fat to muscle."
Homer Icon "Oh no you don’t, sky finger. No way. Not working out. Uh-uh. There’s got to be another way to bulk me up."

Prince and the Premise Pt. 9Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Homer Barbarian Icon "Greetings ugly boy!"
Bart Icon "Huh?"
Homer Barbarian Icon "Me am your father. Bow before father!"
Bart Icon "Guh?"
Homer Barbarian Icon "Show respect for father’s prowess with axe and skill in battle… I mean, parenting."
Bart Icon "Dad, what’s wrong with you? You seem… intense. And your speech is much more halting than usual."
Homer Barbarian Icon "Bow before father or me crush your neck!"
Bart Icon "Okay, that’s more like it."

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Homer Barbarian Icon "Boy whelp think me am Homer – , but girl whelp am clever."
"What father do to win affection of girl?"
"Me know! Me give her life lessons in backbreaking labor."
"Child! I command you to build a castle."
Lisa Icon "A castle? I suppose this could be a good exercise in medieval construction."
"Can I use eco-friendly materials?"
Homer Barbarian Icon "Ask mother."
"Being father am easy."

Prince and the Premise Pt. 10Edit

Character Dialogue
Homer Barbarian Icon "Boy want sharpen father’s axe with father?"
Bart Icon "I don’t feel like it"
Homer Barbarian Icon "Something bothering boy?"
Bart Icon "This bully at school, he took my Krusty doll."
Homer Barbarian Icon "Bully steal from son of… what my name again?"
Bart Icon "Homer Simpson."
Homer Barbarian Icon "Bully steal from Homer Simpson?! Homer Simpson cleave bully in twain!"
Bart Icon "Sweet"

Prince and the Premise Pt. 11Edit

Character Dialogue
Lisa Icon *Sniffle*
Homer Barbarian Icon "Daughter! Roast me a boar!"
Lisa Icon *Sniff… sob*
Homer Barbarian Icon "Make sure save boar brains. Mmm… boar brains."
Lisa Icon "Oh, Dad! My saxophone recital is tonight and no one’s coming! I've been practicing so much!"
*saxophoning*
Homer Barbarian Icon "That sound like death-keening of a wounded frost giant! Am… beautiful."
Lisa Icon "Really?"
Homer Barbarian Icon "Me find people and make them go to music show… or me cleave them in twain!"
Lisa Icon "I love you Dad!"

Prince and the Premise Pt. 12Edit

Character Dialogue
Homer Barbarian Icon "Where am wife! Homer Simpson need woman to rub feet and pick bugs from hair and pick bugs from feet!"
Lisa Icon "Dad, because Mom is a high level character, we have to wait a while before she appears. It makes things easier for the new players."
Homer Barbarian Icon "NOOOOOBS!"

Prince and the Premise Pt. 13Edit

Character Dialogue
Barbarian Homer Icon "I been drinking too much of that purple stuff. I gotta take a break, get clean… I wonder what my family’s up to."
"Family, I’m home!"
Homer Barbarian Icon "What you doing here?"
Marge Icon "Two fake Homers? How am I supposed to know which is the real fake Homer?"
Barbarian Homer Icon "Hey, that’s my wife’s pork chops you’re eating!"
Homer Barbarian Icon "So? Your wife’s pork chops am delicious."
Marge Icon "Thank you. I think."
Barbarian Homer Icon " The pork chops were never part of the deal."
Homer Barbarian Icon "What you talking about? Us switch lives! That am premise! HACKY PREMISE!"
Bart Icon "So what if it’s hacky? Fake Dad chased a bully with an axe for me!"
Lisa Icon "He made everyone go to my sax recital!"
Marge Icon "Homer Barbarian is a good man. He makes the bed every morning."
Barbarian Homer Icon "You make the bed? What kind of man makes the bed?"
Homer Barbarian Icon "Grunt grunt me equal part of nurturing family equation as Marge."
Barbarian Homer Icon "No man comes to my house, is a better dad to my kids, and is better at pretending to go along with parenting gibberish than me!"
"GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!"

Prince and the Premise Pt. 14Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Bart Icon "Dad, you’re destroying your own house."
Barbarian Homer Icon "And I’m gonna keep on destroying it until he comes out and fights me."
Homer Barbarian Icon "Grunt grunt fight? No, no fight. Me no longer solve problems with axe. Me solve problems with talk, and text."
" Me metrosexual now. Me groom facial hair. Me watch “The Good Wife”. Me eat house-made pickles at gastropub."
Barbarian Homer Icon "So you don’t believe in fighting any more?"
Homer Barbarian Icon "Me into yoga now. Grunt, grunt, namaste."
Barbarian Homer Icon "Eat axe handle, stupid!"
Homer Barbarian Icon "Grunt, grunt"
"Grunt, grunt", *passing-out noise*

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Barbarian Homer Icon "Finally, the brown house makes itself useful. A great place to hide an unconscious loser who looks just like you."
"See kids, I’m a better dad then that Barbarian ever was."
Lisa Icon "But the Barbarian gave us castles."
Barbarian Homer Icon "No, he made you make your own castles."
Bart Icon "That’s true. He made us work hard for a feeling of accomplishment. Weak."
Barbarian Homer Icon "Whereas I just gave you the cool new costumes, or “skins” to win your love."
Bart Icon "Yeah, getting free stuff is way better than working."
Lisa Icon "How is that a good lesson?"
Barbarian Homer Icon "That’s my boy!"
Lisa Icon "HOW IS THAT A GOOD LESSON?"
Barbarian Homer Icon "THAT’S MY BOY!"

Prince and the Premise Pt. 15Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Bart Icon "I miss old fake dad. He had the best stories about bathing in the blood of his enemies, and scrubbing himself with their ripped-out tongues."
Lisa Icon "He loved my music. He said it reminded him of when he would throw sick old bears into the bonfire and burn them alive."
Barbarian Homer Icon "What are you kids complaining about? You got your real old man back!"
Bart Icon "Great."
Lisa Icon "Super."
Barbarian Homer Icon "I’m not just your dad anymore. I’m a leveled-up version of your dad — with a leveled-up castle."
Bart Icon "Big deal. I hope your castle is better than your pathetic Prince & the Pauper premise."
Lisa Icon "Yeah, I hope your castle is more skillfully constructed together than that awful premise."
Barbarian Homer Icon "Oh children… Why are they so stupid? My castle is great because of UPGRADES. Let me explain..."
"When you make the thing you already have a little bit better, that’s an upgrade."
Bart Icon "So it’s something you already have..."
Lisa Icon "But a little bit better."
Barbarian Homer Icon "Now you’re getting it..."
"IT’S A TINY IMPROVEMENT, A MARKED DIFFERENCE, IT’S A SHINIER BELT, OR A PRETTIER FENCE!"
Bart Icon "Are you singing?"
Barbarian Homer Icon "AN UPGRADE TAKES YOUR PLUS ONE SWORD AND MAKES IT PLUS TWO"
"AN UPGRADE TRANSFORMS YOUR MAGIC CLOAK FROM LIGHT TO DARKER BLUE"
Bart Icon "He is singing."
Lisa Icon "But, this game doesn't have music."
Barbarian Homer Icon "UPGRADES ARE THE LITTLE BOOSTS THAT GIVE YOUR LIFE NEW MEANING"
"THE SLIGHTLY BETTER VERSIONS THAT WILL GIVE YOUR LIFE NEW MEANING"
Bart Icon "He just rhymed “new meaning” with “new meaning."
Barbarian Homer Icon "SO IF YOU’RE FEELING BORED AND SAD"
"YOUR GAME HAS PETERED OUT"
"UPGRADE ALL THE STUFF YOU HAVE AND THEN YOU’LL SCREAM AND SHOUT — FOR UPGRADES!!!"
Bart Icon " Wow. Way to string it out, bone-head dad – everyone knows about upgrades!"
"Maybe if you’d laid off that purple juice a little, you’d have noticed that Lisa and I also have our own castles and outfits and…"
Lisa Icon "UPGRADES!"

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Bart Icon "But Dad’s lame song is right! Upgrades are amazing!"
Lisa Icon "Even though my castle is almost exactly the same, an upgrade makes it feel like I've got a whole new castle!"
Bart Icon "I love you upgrades!"
Barbarian Homer Icon "If ever I deserved a swig of non-addictive purple goo, it’s now."

Prince and the Premise Pt. 16Edit

Character Dialogue
Marge Icon "I don’t like you looting other peoples towns. People worked hard on those. Think of all the grinding they did."
Barbarian Homer Icon "Well, it’s not me who looted them."
"I’m actually a Barbarian from another game pretending to be your husband cause we look the same, you know, like in “Double, Double, Boy in Trouble."
Marge Icon "I never saw that episode."
Barbarian Homer Icon "It was a Prince & the Pauper thing."
Marge Icon "Oh how embarrassing."
Barbarian Homer Icon "Me Barbarian. Me not Homer. Me from number one grossing game iTunes charts, not… number 12."
Marge Icon "Homie, I know it’s you."

Prince and the Premise Pt. 17Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Barbarian Homer Icon "Marge, where were you? We haven’t done a mission together in forever!"
Lisa Icon "You know we have to wait until later in the “Clash of Clones” event to give the new players time to catch up."
Barbarian Homer Icon "NOOOOOOOBS!!!"

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Marge Icon "I’m still not so thrilled with all the raiding and pillaging and destroying you've been doing."
Barbarian Homer Icon "Admit it, I've never brought home as much solid gold coins as I am now."
Marge Icon "I can’t enjoy those coins knowing that they’re the fruit of human suffering."
Barbarian Homer Icon "Mmm… suffering fruit."
Marge Icon "And what’s this purple stuff you've been guzzling? Is it… sizzurp?"
Barbarian Homer Icon " No. It’s not drank. It’s wine. A wine that makes you feel better than any wine in the world. And it’s not in any way addictive."
Marge Icon "You’re drinking it right now."
Barbarian Homer Icon *burp*
Marge Icon "I want you to quit drinking elixir."
Barbarian Homer Icon "Quit drinking elixir? I’d sooner give up drinking non-addictive wine!"
Marge Icon "Well don’t come home until you do!"
Barbarian Homer Icon "When Marge sees how awesome I upgrade myself, you won’t be complaining about elixir."
Ned Icon "What’s an upgrade?"
Barbarian Homer Icon "IT’S A TINY IMPROVEMENT, A MARKED DIFFERENCE, IT’S A SHINIER BELT, OR A PRETTIER FENCE!"

Prince and the Premise Pt. 18Edit

Character Dialogue
Archer Lisa Icon "My last upgrade was so cool – I got slightly longer boot laces."
Goblin Bart Icon "My last upgrade rocked! My attacks got 5 percent stronger! Too bad my enemies’ defenses got 5 percent stronger at the exact same time. Oh well!"
Wizard Marge Icon "Have you seen the new fringes on my magic cloak – the threads are now imperceptibly silverier!"
"UPGRADE!"
Archer Lisa Icon "UPGRADE!"
Goblin Bart Icon "UPGRADE!"
Barbarian Homer Icon "Wow, the awesome power of upgrades has brought us together as a family. No one even cares that my Elixir consumption has also been… upgraded."
"I NEED IT!!!!!!!!"
"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Archer Lisa Icon "Man, it’s been a whole day since my last upgrade."
Goblin Bart Icon "Me too! I gotta change my life by making my clothes imperceptibly different."
Wizard Marge Icon "Keep raiding, children. Keep raiding."
Barbarian Homer Icon "I don’t feel so good."

Prince and the Premise Pt. 19Edit

Character Dialogue
Goblin Bart Icon "Upgrades, upgrades… need more gold for more upgrades… to get more gold… to get more gold…"
Archer Lisa Icon "Each upgrade seems further from the last…"
Wizard Marge Icon "My cloak. I need sliver-ier threads for my cloak."
Barbarian Homer Icon "Purple…purple…purple…"
Archer Lisa Icon "What’s happened to us. We’re a mess."
Goblin Bart Icon "I know what we need to make us feel better. Just one more upgrade."
Wizard Marge Icon "Does my cloak threads seem silver-ier to you? DOES IT???"
Barbarian Homer Icon "Purple…"
Archer Lisa Icon "Dad…what happens to all those people we send to go raiding for us?"
Barbarian Homer Icon "Purple…dead…dead nerds…purple"
Wizard Marge Icon "But what if we win the battle? Then they’re okay, right?"
Barbarian Homer Icon "Doesn't matter. Purple. Still dead. Purple."
Archer Lisa Icon "On no…we've become monsters."
Wizard Marge Icon "Our humanity is gone. Completely lost."
Barbarian Homer Icon "Purple!"
Goblin Bart Icon "Wait! I figured it out. Upgrades equals gold equals upgrades equals gold equals… upgrades!"
Barbarian Homer Icon "Purple purple purple purple purple…"
Archer Lisa Icon "I’m going for a walk."

Prince and the Premise Pt. 20Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Archer Lisa Icon "It’s all so clear to me now. These so-called strategy games are a scam."
"You raid and you raid, you think you’re getting stronger, but your enemies are getting stronger too."
"And the more you play, the longer it takes to get upgrades. Until you have no choice but to use…"
Mr. Burns Icon "Premium currency."
Archer Lisa Icon "Mr. Burns! What are you doing?"
Mr. Burns Icon "Saving you -- from yourself."
Archer Lisa Icon "PURPLE?!"

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Mr. Burns Icon "The gold in these games is worthless. Elixir it's just corn syrup and codeine. The game gives you them for free to get you to cough up for premium currency."
Archer Lisa Icon "It's, it's all a trick to give us the illusion of accomplishment."
"But all they want is money. When we can't feel anything anymore, and we have no choice we have to pay."
Mr. Burns Icon "Think about it. For $60 you can buy a fantastic console game with a hundred million dollar budget..."
"...that geniuses and artists have worked for years to perfect, giving you hours upon hours of satisfying gameplay."
"But these so-called freemium strategy games offer you pared-down simplistic gameplay..."
"...but because you're so hooked on upgrades, you end up spending hundreds of dollars on premium currency to just get back to normal."
Archer Lisa Icon "It's the ultimate scam."
Mr. Burns Icon "I wish I'd thought of it."
Archer Lisa Icon "So what do I do?"
Mr. Burns Icon "You steal the thing that they never thought you'd steal -- the premium currency itself."
Archer Lisa Icon "You mean -- raid for... donuts?"
Mr. Burns Icon "That's right."
Archer Lisa Icon "But... people pay for those with actual money. You can't raid for that. It's not right."
Mr. Burns Icon "'Not right?' This game has sent countless innocent nerds to agonizing deaths."
"Your father is addicted to super-addictive Elixir. And the game turned your family into upgrade-starved wraiths. Is that 'right'?"
Archer Lisa Icon "I don't know anything anymore..."

Prince and the Premise Pt. 21Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Wizard Marge Icon "Where are you Lisa?"
Barbarian Homer Icon "Purple purple purple purple?"
Goblin Bart Icon "We were worried you wouldn't be able to help us get that next upgrade."
Archer Lisa Icon "We have to quit this raiding! We must cast aside the skins of inter-game strategy, and return to our old lives of cute meaningless missions."
Wizard Marge Icon "I don't think I can."
Goblin Bart Icon "Never!"
Barbarian Homer Icon "PURPLE!"
Archer Lisa Icon "Oh, I suppose you would prefer Mr. Burns' plan, and break the most sacred rule of app-based gaming -- and steal the premium currency itself!"
Barbarian Homer Icon "I sure would."
Goblin Bart Icon "Me too."
Wizard Marge Icon "... uh-huh."
Archer Lisa Icon "We need to break the meaningless cycle of attacking. It just goes on forever, but nothing really changes."
Wizard Marge Icon "You wouldn't say that if you had the jeweled slippers upgrade. No one with the jeweled slippers would ever say that."

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Goblin Bart Icon "We did it!"
Wizard Marge Icon "The big score!"
Barbarian Homer Icon "I've got so many donuts! I’m going to buy Kang Topiary — I've earned it."
Archer Lisa Icon "I know we've suffered at the hands of our silicon valley puppet masters. But I still don’t think this was a good idea."
Computericon "SIMPSON FAMILY."
Barbarian Homer Icon "Who is that? Who’s talking to us?"
Computericon "I AM THE SPIRIT OF FREEMIUM GAMING GIVEN VOICE. YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE PRIME DIRECTIVE OF FREEMIUM GAMING."
Archer Lisa Icon "We just did to other players what you do to them every day."
Computericon "YES, EXACTLY. ONLY WE MAY RIP PEOPLE OFF. NOW RETURN THE DONUTS."
Barbarian Homer Icon "We raided those premium donuts fair and square as far as you know."
Goblin Bart Icon "Don’t blame us if our upgrades are so awesome we can steal whatever we want whenever we want."
Wizard Marge Icon "I’m the most upgraded lady wizard — I mean wizard — this game has ever seen."
Archer Lisa Icon "What game are we even talking about anymore?"
Barbarian Homer Icon "Listen up you mysterious voice thing somehow speaking for an entire subcategory of tablet and phone-based gaming!"
" Now that we have a taste of the good stuff ‚ premium C, we can’t go back to ”gold”"
"With cash-based donuts we’ll finally be living the way we deserve. In the now! No more grinding and waiting and grinding and waiting."
Wizard Marge Icon "…and when the days are finally up convincing yourself it was worth it."
Computericon "RETURN THAT WHICH YOU HAVE STOLEN."
Goblin Bart Icon "No way! We’re not scared of you!"
Archer Lisa Icon "Why don’t you return what you've stolen from all the players of these games around the world!"
Goblin Bart Icon "And by stolen we mean “an agreed upon exchange of goods and services."
Computericon "THERE IS ONE CURRENCY MORE VALUABLE THAN DONUTS."
Barbarian Homer Icon "Jewels?"
Computericon "NO. THE MOST VALUABLE CURRENCY IS… TIME. EVERYONE HAS THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME."
"EVERYONE IS ALWAYS SPENDING TIME AT THE SAME RATE."
"ONCE TIME IS SPENT IT IS GONE FOREVER. YET MANY PEOPLE GET NO VALUE FROM IT AT ALL."
"IS IT REALLY A GOOD USE OF YOUR “LIFE CURRENCY” TO GRIND AND GRIND AWAY AT THESE GAMES TO SAVE MONEY?"
"YOU CAN EARN MORE MONEY. BUT YOU CAN NEVER EARN MORE TIME."
Barbarian Homer Icon "Nice try, hippie."
Wizard Marge Icon "No, Homer. He’s right. Think of all the moments people have missed with their families."
" Moments they will never get back — just to try to get one over on these games without spending money. It’s so tragic."
Archer Lisa Icon "Freemium games — both strategy-based and town building alike — are a blight on society!"
Goblin Bart Icon "Eh, I like touching screens. I stick by my choice."
Barbarian Homer Icon "Forget it, you impossible thing that can’t speak but is speaking anyway, the Simpsons are gonna become the donut kings of the cloud, and you can’t stop us."
Computericon "UNLESS… I STEAL YOUR TIME. I CAN RESET YOUR PROGRESS ON THIS GAME."
"AND ALL THEN ALL THE TIME YOU “SPENT” PLAYING IT WILL HAVE DISAPPEARED FOREVER."
Archer Lisa Icon "My Mensa gazebo!"
Goblin Bart Icon "All that stuff I did in Krustyland yet I never seem to go there!"
Wizard Marge Icon "If we go back to level 1 I’ll be locked in Moe’s Tavern again."
Barbarian Homer Icon "Go back to Level 1 and redo everything?… I’ll be good."
Goblin Bart Icon "I think I just did a mission where I peed my pants."

Prince and the Premise Pt. 22Edit

Character Dialogue
Archer Lisa Icon "Mr. BIG FREEMIUM Thing? Tiny favor. Can you at least undo all the damage of this ridiculous Clash of Clones storyline? It’s brought us nothing but suffering."
Wizard Marge Icon "And a Prince and Pauper parody. LAME."
Computericon "FEAR NOT, HECTORING CHILD. THIS “UPDATE” LIKE THE ONES THAT CAME BEFORE IS BUT TEMPORARY."
"IF THE FINGERS THAT CONTROL YOUR SAD LIVES CANNOT HEED MY ADVICE AND DELETE THIS GAME AND ALL ITS DATA…"
"THEN AT LEAST TAKE SOLACE IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT SOON THINGS WILL BE AS THEY ONCE WERE."
Wizard Marge Icon "So we've learned our lesson. Time is best spent with the people we love. For those are moments we can never get back."
Goblin Bart Icon "Or -- we can get as many raids in as possible before time runs out!"
Barbarian Homer Icon "Purple-purple-purple-purple-purple-purple!"
Archer Lisa Icon *sigh*
Wizard Marge Icon "Come on, let’s go sing some karaoke."

Prince and the Premise Pt. 23Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Barbarian Homer Icon "Come on boy, one more piece of unfinished business."
Goblin Bart Icon "Letting that muscle-y loser out of the brown house?"
Barbarian Homer Icon "It’s the right thing to do."
Barbarian Icon "Wow. A lot of people use that house for a lot weird stuff."
Barbarian Homer Icon "Come on, Barbarian Buddy. Let’s get you back to your game where you can be mindlessly slaughtered."
Barbarian Icon "But I want to stay here. I like the fixed dog races, the Mensa meetings at the gazebo, and watching Smithers whip it good."
Barbarian Homer Icon "Somebody’s got a crush!"

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Wizard Marge Icon "Homie, did you really quit drinking that purple stuff?"
Barbarian Homer Icon "Cold turkey."
Wizard Marge Icon "And you feel okay?"
Barbarian Homer Icon "Yeah. Actually. It turns out it wasn't addictive after all."

TriviaEdit

  • Parts 1-8 require at least game level 6 to start.
  • Parts 9-10 require at least game level 7.
  • Parts 11-13 require game level 9.
  • Parts 14-17 require game level 12. Part 14 requires Boxed In Pt. 1 completed.
  • Parts 18-22 require game level 15.
  • Part 23 requires game level 25.
  • An update on August 27th changed the reward of Part 21 to 15 donuts instead of 2.

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