"Principal Skinner, I'd like to see the school therapist."
"Unfortunately, we had to get rid of our counselor due to budget cuts." "So, you'll be divulging your deepest, darkest thoughts to our very talented gardener."
"Welcome to Willie's shack, lassie! What brings you in today -- therapy or the fish-gutting seminar I conduct?"
"Don't be embarrassed. You would not believe how many people don't know how to properly gut a fish."
"I said therapy."
" Oh. Okay, why don't you start us off..."
"Well, I've been having some issues that I believe stem from my relationship with my father. He's never around, doesn't know I exist--"
" Daddy issues?!" "Here's my prescription -- go outside and dig your own grave every day till you finish!" "You'll sleep like a baby and the constant reminder of death will make you appreciate every second of your God-forsaken life."
"Actually, I think it would be better if I talked this stuff out." "A girl's good bond with her father affects all her future relationships with men."
"Nonsense. My Dad was never around, and neither me nor any of my twelve sisters has even HAD a relationship!"
"That's terrible! You know, I think it's important for boys to have quality time with their fathers too."
"It is? Oh dear Lord." "I hate my father!" *sobs* "I hate him good!" *more sobs* "Haven't ye ever wondered why I've never amounted to anything?"