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The Joy of Gossip
Helen Lovejoy Icon

Level

50

Release Date

March 4, 2015

Number of Quests

7

Premium Side Quest

The Real Investorettes

Preceded By

Baking Bread

Succeeded By

The Ungrateful Dead

The Joy of Gossip is the main questline for the Level 50 content update.

QuestsEdit

Quest Requirements Time Reward Triggered By
The Joy of Gossip Pt. 1 Build Municipal House of Pancakes 24h Cash100
XP10
Unlock: Helen Lovejoy
Milhouse
The Joy of Gossip Pt. 2 Make Helen Make Marge Spill the Beans 60m Cash100
XP10
Helen Lovejoy
The Joy of Gossip Pt. 3 Make Helen Think of the Children 8h Cash100
XP10
Helen Lovejoy
The Joy of Gossip Pt. 4 Make Helen Apply for Premium Status 4h Cash100
XP10
Helen Lovejoy
The Joy of Gossip Pt. 5 Make Helen Plead with a Higher Power 8h Cash100
XP10
Helen Lovejoy
The Joy of Gossip Pt. 6 Get Helen Lovejoy from the Premium Menu - Cash100
XP10
Helen Lovejoy
The Joy of Gossip Pt. 7 Make Helen "Worship" Alongside Rev. Lovejoy 20h Cash100
XP10
Helen Lovejoy

DialogueEdit

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 1Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Milhouse Excited Icon "Bart! The new issue of Radioactive Woman is out!"
Bart Surprised Icon "Women can't be superheroes! Whoever heard of women in tights?"
Milhouse Excited Icon "Supposedly on the cover you can see upper thigh and even, dare I say, lower butt."
Bart Sneaky Icon "I think I'm coming around to the idea of female superheroes. It's largely butt related."
Comic Book Guy Annoyed Icon "This is my last copy, and I simply cannot let it go for less than TWENTY DOLLARS!"
Comic Book Guy Icon "I also accept Galactic credits, dwarven runes, and microwave burritos."
Milhouse Sad Icon "Aw! I had $20, but I spent it on a collection of commemorative state quarters."
Lisa Deadpan Icon "You spent $20 on $12.50 in quarters?"
Milhouse Icon "Markets fluctuate, Lisa. Who knows how much a quarter will be worth next week?"
Lisa Angry Icon "25 cents."
Milhouse Sad Icon "Nuts, I don't know anything about finances!"
Milhouse Icon "I mean, I talk the talk, but I can't walk the walk. Probably because of all the quarters in my pockets."
Bart Icon "Well, we're in luck! Helen Lovejoy is up next and she knows more about investments than I know about analogies."

EndEdit

This dialogue will only appear if the player doesn't have the Cracker Factory.

Character Dialogue
Helen Lovejoy Angsty Icon "I've searched everywhere! The Jacuzzi suit store, the American Gladiator's green room, the Shelbyville eyebrow outlet, and I can't find Luann!"
Helen Lovejoy Icon "We cannot hold an Investorettes meeting without the full membership present."
Bart Rollingeyes Icon "Take it up with the Great Man in the Sky who hasn't forked over the donuts to bring her back to life."
Helen Lovejoy Icon "Was that Ezekiel 3:17? Bart, I didn't know you were so well versed in Bible quotes."
In Game Message "Will the Investorettes get two new members? Complete the Investorettes club to find out!"

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 2Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Rev. Lovejoy Icon "Helen, my prayers have been answered! You're finally here..."
Rev. Lovejoy Happy Icon "...and holding a perfectly seasoned roast beef sandwich?"
Helen Lovejoy Sad Icon "No, just me."
Rev. Lovejoy Icon "Well, one of my prayers was answered."
Rev. Lovejoy Sad Icon "Although, you seem troubled by something."
Helen Lovejoy Sad Icon "It's just, well, I've been in limbo for so long that I feel like I don't even know this town anymore."
Helen Lovejoy Angsty Icon "How has everyone gone about with their business without my nose in it? I need a glass of fresh squeezed juicy gossip!"
Rev. Lovejoy Icon "Perhaps Marge Simpson could be of service. She's both up to speed on the town's affairs, and not up to speed on mine."

Jobs StartedEdit

Character Dialogue
Helen Lovejoy Happy Icon "Oh, Marge Simpson! How lovely to see you!"
Marge Icon "I wish I could say the same thing to you, but I promised myself that I wouldn't lie."
Helen Lovejoy Icon "Oh Marge, you big jokester. So you'll only be lying to yourself from now on then?"
Helen Lovejoy Icon "But enough about us -- let's talk about other people! Give me the gossip!"
Marge Angry Icon "Hmmmm..."

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Marge Icon "Well, the big news in Springfield is that people seem to be turning up in order of importance."
Helen Lovejoy Icon "Nonsense. If that's the case I would have been home AGES ago."
Marge Icon "Would you?"

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 3Edit

Character Dialogue
Helen Lovejoy Angsty Icon "Order of importance?!"
Helen Lovejoy Angsty Icon "How could I be LESS important than a politician's spoiled nephew or some juvenile delinquents?!? I have a first AND last name for goodness sake."
Helen Lovejoy Sad Icon "That a perfect lady such as myself, who only thinks of others, could be seen as LESS important than an old, uneducated stripper?"
Mrs. Muntz Icon "Who are you callin' educated?"
Helen Lovejoy Icon "I said UN-educated."
Mrs. Muntz Icon "Oh. Carry on then."
Helen Lovejoy Sad Icon "What are we teaching our children?!"
Helen Lovejoy Angsty Icon "Oh won't somebody PLEASE think of the children!"

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 4Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Rev. Lovejoy Icon "Helen, you are the most important person to me. Isn't that enough?"
Helen Lovejoy Icon "There's a fire. You can either save me or your Christmas coal train car. Which do you save?"
Rev. Lovejoy Sad Icon "Let's not go down this road again, Helen."
Helen Lovejoy Icon "I can't believe that fat slob Homer Simpson is the most important person in Springfield."
Rev. Lovejoy Icon "Calm yourself, Helen. He isn't even a premium character."
Helen Lovejoy Icon "Premium? Oh I like the sound of that!"
Helen Lovejoy Happy Icon "Clearly, there was a mistake. I should be a premium character!"

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Patty Icon "Premium status? Lady, this is the DMV. Does anyone here look premium to you?"
Selma Icon "Now if you're looking for an eye test or novelty license plate, then maybe we can help."
Helen Lovejoy Icon "Hmm, perhaps I could use a new license plate."
Selma Icon "Great! In that case..."
Selma Icon "...you're in the wrong line."
Helen Lovejoy Sad Icon "Ugh. Just tell me where to go to get premium status."
Selma Icon "Only a being of supreme power could grant you premium status. Maybe a postmaster general, but definitely not the DMV."

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 5Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Helen Lovejoy Icon "I don't know why I thought the government was the answer. I need help from a higher power!"
Rev. Lovejoy Icon "God?"
Helen Lovejoy Icon "What?! Is He in this game before me too?"

Jobs StartedEdit

Character Dialogue
Helen Lovejoy Sad Icon "Oh great one, hear my wishes!"
Helen Lovejoy Sad Icon "I've been good, followed all the rules, publically shamed people for the things they do in private, and for this I believe I should be rewarded."

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Database Sad Icon "Look, lady. I don't know who gave you my information, but that's not how things are done around here."
Database Icon "There are strategy meetings, lawyers, names picked out of hats..."
Helen Lovejoy Angsty Icon "PLEASE!"
Database Icon "Fine! But don't say a nerd never did anything for you."

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 6Edit

StartEdit

Character Dialogue
Database Icon "Now we just have to access your character data from the debug menu and set your status to premium."
Database Icon "Although you WILL need to be re-acquired through the Premium Stuff Menu."
Helen Lovejoy Sad Icon "Is it going to hurt?"
Database Sad Icon "No, but there's a small chance it would create a paradox, which could destroy the entire universe!"
Helen Lovejoy Icon "But, I'd be premium?"
Database Sad Icon "If the universe explodes, no one will be premium."
Helen Lovejoy Icon "That's fine too. Flip the switch!"
Database Icon "There is no switch. It's actually a complicated system of 1s and 0s that diverts the CSS stylesheet..."
Database Icon "...whatever, it's done."

EndEdit

Character Dialogue
Helen Lovejoy Happy Icon "It worked! I'm a PREMIUM character! I've never felt so important in all my life."
Homer Confused Icon "Um, Database, she's not REALLY a premium character... right?"
Homer Horrified Icon "People get mad around here when we change the price of houses. They'd go ballistic over that!"
Database Icon "Well, she's not technically premium but... Hey! Look over there!"
Homer Ooh Icon "Ooh! That cloud looks like a rabbit!"
Database Icon "Whew. Saved once again by my rabbit-shaped cloud emulation software."

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 7Edit

Character Dialogue
Rev. Lovejoy Icon "You look to be in much better spirits, my dear."
Rev. Lovejoy Icon "Did you discover some photos of a neighbor in a compromising position?"
Helen Lovejoy Happy Icon "Oh, much better than that. I just had myself turned premium."
Rev. Lovejoy Icon "Good for you. What do you say I make a reservation at the Gilded Truffle for my gilded lily?"
Helen Lovejoy Icon "I have a better idea... do you still have that half mattress we got from the Simpsons?"
Rev. Lovejoy Icon "Another reason I'm glad I'm not Catholic!"

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