The Krusty-est Place On Earth is the main quest chain that was released with the Krustyland Expansion. It is the longest quest chain ever to be released for The Simpsons: Tapped Out, with 41 parts. The sidebar image for the quest chain can be seen to the right - it shows a complete Krustyland. When the player has completed all 41 of the quests, they may convert their Krustyland tickets into cash at the Krustyland Entrance. To be able to complete all of the quests, the player must be Level 29 or over at the end, as the quests require progressively higher levels throughout the quest chain. However, the player may start the quest chain at any Level from 20 upwards, it is just that a higher Level is needed every several quests to advance.
"The dregs of humanity... or as we call them here at Krustyland, customers." "As we rebuild Krustyland there's gonna be more and more of these losers streaming in."
"I don't follow…"
"As you improve Krustyland you increase the park's rating on the Krust-O-Meter goes up." "A higher Krust-O-Meter rating means more paying customers!"
"So you're saying as the Krust-O-Meter increases, more people will show up at the park?"
"Yep, and when they use the rides they'll accumulate tickets. Just tap on them to collect"
"Free tickets? What a meaningless enticement. Count me in!"
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.1
"Ugh. Can someone tell me why the same dogs run every race at our track?"
"And why, given that, a TV clown would blow his entire fortune betting on said races?"
"Krusty? You're Broke?"
"No, broke means you have zero. I am millions in debt. If I was only broke, I'd be the richest jerk on earth."
"Why don't you just re-open Krustyland and make your money back?"
"Krustyland is a mess. They never tell you how expensive the "maintenance" of a theme park is."
"Or how when you don't pay "maintenance," and one ride topples onto another ride and careens into a crowded midway, it can also be expensive."
"Then again, rebuilding Krustyland would be a great way to kill time, and keep people from focusing on more important tasks like work and school."
"Anything I can do to harm America's productivity. Let's do it!"
"Isn't Krustyland way out of town? How will we get there?"
"Leave that to me! By which I mean, the Sky Finger. Get to it, chump!"
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.2
"Aww, the old Krustyland is a dump! Where am I going to find a schmuck fakakta big enough schmuck to fix this mess?"
"Ooh, Yiddish -- that often leads to Latkes"
"Hey, hey! Welcome to Krustyland!"
"Step right up to our newest attraction: Grab That Girder Over There and Drag It, Then Every Other Girder, to Somewhere the Truck Can Get to Them More Easily!"
"Long name. Sounds fun!"
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.3
"I gotta say, Krusty, the girder-dragging ride at Disneyland is better."
"And why reward me with these stupid tickets? A guy like me is used to getting paid in cold, hard pretend money."
"Those are Krustyland Tickets! They're like money but more... fun! Hoo Hoo Ha Ha!"
"Also, you're going to need those tickets to rebuild the Krustyland Entrance. So hand 'em over!"
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.4
"The harder it is for people to find their way around a theme park, the less time they spend on its fragile, deadly rides."
"I need a boneheaded, twisting, counterintuitive layout for this place. Where’s that guy from before."
"Hi, Mr. The Klown -- I’m that guy from before. I want to once again lodge a complaint about being paid in your personal scrip instead of money."
"And I look forward to that conversation. Right after you try our latest attraction: Build A Path!"
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.5
"You know, this theme park is starting to feel a lot like work."
"But, if I may finish that thought, it’s all worth it when you get your payout of Krustyland Tickets."
"Is that how that thought finishes? Well, I guess I can’t tell my thoughts what to think. Okay, what’s next?"
"Now comes the imporant stuff."
"The rides are just a way to bring customers -- or, as we call them in the industry, "Fat Dummies Deserving of What They Get" -- into the park."
"I didn't know we had a nickname! Pretty sweet."
"But it's the rigged, unwinnable midway games where you make the real dough."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.6
"Okay, Homer, are you ready to run the Ring Toss stall?"
"Run it? But I want to play!"
"Don't waste your time... the rings aren't big enough to land on any of the prizes."
"Looks easy enough. Just watch. *clink* Whoops. Okay, just one more. *clink*" "One more. *clink* One more..."
"Ugh. Looks like I'm going to need someone else to run the stall."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.7
"Krusty, you haven’t rebuilt my favorite ride yet. Where’s the infamous Death Drop?" "You didn't shut it down just because of one tiny little class action lawsuit filed by five thousand hospitalized children?"
"Ugh. Maybe that one's better left unbuilt."
"Actually, it's was our safest ride."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.8
"The Death Drop is ready! Just look at all that beautiful rust. Race you to it!"
"I don't know, Bart. It looks like a big kid ride." "Well I suppose I could try it once... if Lisa holds my hand."
"On the off chance that we survive this ride, no way. I'd never respect my hand again."
"Woo! That was awesome... I'm going to ride it again."
"I'm think I'm done for now... what about you, Milhouse?" "Milhouse?"
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.9
"We've run out of room to build." "Guess I'll go back to my regular jobs, of which there are now so many it's a real pain to scroll down the list and find the one you want."
"Krustyland is out of room? Then you're in luck -- there’s a job for that!"
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.10
"All this work is making me hungry. Where can I get some food?"
"We could probably scrape together a decent Krusty Burger from what’s in the freezer." "Yup, there’s still some "meat" in there."
"Mmmmm... scraped, quotation-marks meat."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.11
"Woo Hoo! Krusty Burger, here I come!"
"Hey, Bart! Let’s grab a Laffy Meal! It comes with a toy from the movie Green Lantern 2: Seriously, a Second Green Lantern?"
"I'll go on the Death Drop, while you eat a Laffy Meal. We'll see who barfs first!"
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.12
"Hey, what gives?" "People have been on these rides all day and nobody’s dead. We've come to expect a good deal more maiming from our beloved Krustyland." "I don’t want to grow up to be one of those guys who doesn't have a childhood story about the kid he knew who died at an amusement park."
"Hello, Bartholomew! Fancy a go on the ol’ Death Drop with yours truly?"
"Come on, Krusty -- if Martin’s having fun in your park, you KNOW you’re doing something wrong!"
"Everybody chill out." "If you want excitement, if you want hair-raising peril, just wait 'til you see my next attraction... the Knock Over the Fuzzy Guy Stall!"
"Take THAT!... and THAT!"
"Ow! Hey! You're only allowed to throw balls at the little men!"
"I'm sorry, Mr. Carny. I have a lot of pent-up anger due to my unpopularity and constant targeting by bullies at school."
"Maybe you should look fo a doctor, Martin."
"Thank you, Bart. That's excellent advice."
"Ow! Hey! Who's throwing balls at me?"
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.13
"Krusty, you've lost your edge."
"Don't say that, kid! I'm an afternoon TV clown." If I'm not making my living on the bleeding edge, my audience of six-year-olds will find someone who is!" "Here, you want danger? You want risk? How about…"
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.14
"Okay, I admit it! The new Krustyland is safe, family-friendly, and all the other horrible things you say!" "The guy I suckered into building it just did too good a job. And now I have to find a way to live with the excellent results." "I never wanted to be in the business of pleasing people, but that’s the hand I was dealt." "So I’m going with it -- Krustyland is going to be the People-Pleasing-est Place On Earth!" "I'm going to be the first clown in history to make people happy!"
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.15
"Hey, I think this Ring Toss game is RIGGED!"
"I've told you that a hundred times! Look, forget it. From now on, no more cheating our schmucks. I mean, our "valued customers"." "Though it makes my pancake makeup-caked skin crawl to say it, let's build a game that isn't rigged. A real people-pleaser."
"Now any jerk -- I mean, "respected patron" -- can waltz in and get free Tickets."
"Don't mind if I do!"
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.16
"Excuse me? I wish to commemorate my visit here by purchasing Krustyland collectibles. Where are they for sale?"
"Uh, nowhere. I'm trying this new thing where I treat my customers good. And everyone knows collectibles are a huge rip-off, right?"
"On the contrary. With the rise of the modern nerd, limited-edition plastic crap is now a safer investment than gold." "I have a mint-in-box vinyl-caped Jawa that is worth more than Delaware." "Besides, shopping is all this country is good at anymore. Might as well play to our strengths."
"One shop, coming up!"
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.17
"Hey, you seem to know a lot about theme parks. You want to help me make Krustyland the best it can be?"
"Not now, I'm shopping for toys."
"Right. But I'm offering you a highly-paid--"
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.18
"Uhh, these people are pigs! There's trash all over the place!"
"Maybe we should build some garbage cans. And a recycling station, so people can also reduce their carbon footprints."
"Recycling? Isn’t that what you do to jokes, gags and bits?"
"You can also do it to trash."
"Sounds expensive. Let’s stick with the garbage cans."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt. 19
"Hold on just a second there, Krusty." "I'm here to inspect your rides. And if I know Krustyland, they’re not going to be up to snuff." "I just hope SOMEONE doesn't leave an envelope of money lying around, where it easilty could bribe me."
"Actually, Chief, the fella who rebuilt all my rides did a great job. It feels weird to say this, but I think my park is legal."
"Oh. Well, that stinks. What’s the point in having lawmen if they’re not out there on the street collecting bribes."
"If you like, I could fake-bribe you with near-worthless park tickets."
"Gee, would ya? That’d be swell."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt. 20
"So, I can spend these tickets anywhere in Krustyland, right?"
"Anywhere at all! Blackout dates apply, some attractions excluded, prices subject to the whims of an oft-drunk clown."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.21
"Listen, Comic Book Guy. You know theme parks. How would you rate mine?"
"I absolutely love it. One-and-a-half stars."
"Yikes. That's kinda harsh."
"Well, your rides are dated. They move too much." "A truly first-rate modern ride is where you sit in a fake car and watch a 3-D movie that almost convinces you you’re moving in real life."
"Also, you need to have a tie-in to a successful movie. Or, as a last resort, a long-running primetime animated TV show."
"But what money-grubbing TV cartoon would be desperate enough to lend its good name to a ride where you only pretend to be on a ride?"
"A good point. Surely that would never happen. Well, we can always try for a movie tie-in."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.22
"I doubt these seats will support my ample frame, but as Radioactive Man would say "up and atom." "...except, of course, in issue 37 where his catchphrase was erroneously printed as "up and at 'em."
"Cool! A Radioactive Man ride! Let's go Milhouse!"
"Gah! Children, at a theme park? Is no place sacred?"
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.23
"I have discovered another glaring omission in your park -- no mascots." "Children and creepy adults need someone to sign their autograph books."
"Right, right. I always get my mascot guys on loan from the prison. Cons work cheap, and they're used to wearing masks"
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.24
"And now a subject that is near and dear to my heart: food."
"No offense, but food is obviously near and dear to every other part of you, too"
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt. 25
"All of this consulting has left me famished." "I will now sample the Food Needle's offerings, which Yelp! describes as: "technically edible," and "clown-quality food."
"My favorite review? "The owner is washed-up. Too bad the tableware isn't." Tough but accurate."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.26
"One ticket for the Wet-and-Smokey Stunt Show, please. I want to see Orky the Orca ride a dirt bike."
"We haven't built that yet. Come back in thirty-six hours."
"I don't think you understand. I enjoy watching marine animals struggle to do people things in exchange for fish. I enjoy it very much. So make it happen."
"And what if I don't?"
"Then you won't progress any further in this dumb game."
"I guess it's true what they say -- the best bullying comes from a place of honesty."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.27
"Nelson, don’t you find forcing animals to do tricks kind of... cruel?"
"I never really thought about it. But yeah, the cruelty's probably what makes it so great." "Also, sometimes you get splashed by a gazillion tons of water. You want to check it out with me?"
"The animal activist in me says no... but the eight-year-old in me is intrigued by this splashing you speak of."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.28
"See, Lisa? I told you the water show was fun."
"It was a chilling display of man’s heartlessness towards his animal brethren." "And we got soaked!" "You want to get some cotton candy?"
"Sure! I mean... sure, whatever. I guess."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.29
"So, what do you want to do now?"
"I read on the internet that there's going to be a haunted house in Krustyland…" "... but according to the data-mined text files, it's not being released until level 150!"
"Don't worry -- I can bully anything." "Hey, game! I'm gonna count down from five…" "...and if I don't have that ride when I get to zero, I'm going to mess up your save file." "5…" "4…" "3…" "2…"
In Game Message
"Congratulations! You just unlocked Krusty's Haunted Condo!"
"That's more like it."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.30
"Right now, I feel like I could beat up the whole world." "I guess what I’m trying to say is, even though all girls are super-lame and have garbage personalities, if ever one wasn’t the worst, it'd be you." "Or whatever..."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.31
"Wow. The Haunted Condo really scared you, huh, Nelson? You’re shaking like a leaf, and you’re wearing your warmest vest."
"I don't like ghosts. If you try to punch one, your hand goes right through it. How does one bully that which cannot be pounded upon?"
"Huh. That’s actually a very insightful answer."
"Shut up! YOU’RE an insightful answer!"
"Why thank you."
"What -- did I say something nice? I hate it when I do that. Let’s just agree to stick to normal rides from now on."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.32
"Lisa, I’m getting on the Flea Dipper now, and I don’t want you to follow."
"Are you breaking up with me?"
"These last few missions we've shared have made me very happy... but that's something a bully can never be. Anger is my livelihood."
"I have to admit it -- you seem calmer. More rational."
"The technical term is "wussified," and it has to stop. The weak need to be tormented, and the job falls to me. Goodbye, Lisa."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.33
"Hey, how come there’s no Viking Boat ride at Krustyland?"
"I 'unno. Because shut up?"
"Hey, I'm Icelandic. If you don't put in a Viking Boat ride, that's discrimination!"
"And I'm his friend, so I'm being discriminated too!" "Maybe we should tell the press Krustyland is prejudiced against both Icelanders and friends."
"Quickly, appease them! Bad publicity is death to a theme park! Just ask PaulaDeenWorld, KidnapLand, and Universal Studios: Jalalabad!"
"Sure, whatever. But this whole deal was a lot more fun when I hated my customers."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.34
"All right, I finished your dumb ride. Up you go."
"Oh, I never ride Viking Boats. Not with my stomach. I just wanted to make you build one."
"I said, GET ON THE BOAT."
"Are you aiming a gun at us?"
"I sure am. And I'm prepared to use it. Maybe even make jokes about it. Or the organization that lobbies on behalf of it."
"Look, shoot us if you want. But don’t make a joke at the NRA’s expense. They can’t take it, and I don’t want to listen to their whining."
"Yeah, you’d think people with guns would have a thicker skin. But you’re still getting on that boat.
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.35
"Hey, Krusty! How come there's no vegetarian options on your menus? You got something against Buddhists?"
"Fellas, please. I'll let you in on a secret. If you want vegetarian, order the Meatlover's Meatgasm. There's not actually any meat in it. Unless you consider a really, really smart fungus to be meat."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.36
"And now for the final element that every great theme park needs -- an attached hotel and convention center."
"Wait a second. It's one thing to have to be nice to people all day, but now I have to be nice to them all night too?"
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.37
"I've done everything you asked. I'’ve built a world-class theme park... and I’ve never been so miserable"
"Only one thing remains --"
"We'd like a room for the night in the Krustyland Hotel, please."
"Hold on a second!" "What do you mean, one thing remains? I thought I was done."
"Now you simply need to work 24-7 to ensure that Krustyland upholds the high standards I've set." "Making sure that each and every guest has a magical stay and leaves completely satisfied."
"A room, please?"
"SHUT UP!" "Aw, that’s it. I'm not going to spend my life making other people happy." "I'm a clown! I'm in it for the money! Krustyland is going back to the dump it was!"
"Here! Take the room."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.38
"Homer! Hey, Homer! I’m fed up with the quality of your work!"
"I thought I was doing a great job!"
"That's the problem! Krustyland isn't Disneyland -- we're crap and we're proud." "The only thrill my ancient rides can possibly offer is not knowing if you’ll survive them." "If they’re assembled right, with bolts and screws and following instructions, where’s the fun? I need you to do a crappier job!" "And to help with that, how about we build a new attraction: a "Crappy-Job-Doer-Enabler," if you will."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.39
"Woo hoo! Beer, here I come!"
"Drink up, pal! That’s the finest beer Duff has to offer... for what I was willing to pay." "Which was virtually nothing. I'm saying it’s not good beer. Swill. Really."
"Hmmm... it’s bland, watery, colorless, odorless." "Just the way a true American likes it!"
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.40
"Thanks for the too much beer, Bozo. Whaddaya want [hic!] me to build now?"
"Only our most dangerous, intricate, and poorly-designed ride... the Tooth Chipper!"
"Okey-doke. Do you have a toolbox or something? If I'm building a rollercoaster, I could use a good sledgehammer."
"Now, now. If Drunky has a wrench, Drunky might screw the bolts together too tight. And we don’t want that."
The Krusty-est Place On Earth Pt.41
"I can’t believe it -- the fabled Tooth Chipper. The ride that killed three Presidents... The only coaster designed by a team of serial killers…" "Let me at it!"
"You were right about my park, kid. And if you're getting on the Chipper... it was nice knowing' ya!"
"See you on the other side!"
"Looks like Krustyland is finally back to her former glory... and posting in the black for a change, too."
"Wait, what am I supposed to do with all these extra Tickets?"
"Dad, didn't you know you can exchange them at the Krustyland Entrance?"
"You mean I can cash this fake virtual money in for real virtual money?!" "Woo Hoo!"
"You can now exchange your Tickets for Cash at the Krustyland Entrance!"